ON INSPIRATION, SHAME, AND SPEAKING OUT

I was chatting with my physical therapist, Sarah, a couple of days ago as she was working out a sore spot on my hip that's developed from a muscle imbalance. I had just returned from the Renfrew conference where Ellen and I presented a workshop based on The Diet Survivor's Handbook, and I was explaining my work to her.

Sarah is a kind and open person who understands that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes. Yet as she told me a story about a friend of hers, I could feel my body begin to tense up.

She talked about a friend who was "overweight" when he went to college, where he proceeded to gain even more weight. Eventually (I can't remember the trigger, but in the end, it doesn't really matter...) he decided that he needed to do something about his size. So, he began to exercise for the first time, stopped drinking massive amounts of beer and soda, and quit eating pizzas late at night. He lost weight and, seven years later, continues to feel great.

When I hear a story like that, I think about the weight loss as a side effect of new behaviors. Never exercised before? Lots of ignoring physical cues for hunger and satiation? Change these factors and your body may change in response to your new lifestyle. I was prepared to be pleased for him.

But then the story went on. He was so thrilled by what happened to him, he decided to become a personal trainer so that his story could inspire others. My relaxed hip now became tense. I reminded Sarah that only 2 - 5% of people who lose weight can keep it off - about 98% gain it back. So, lucky him - he gets to have the body type that our culture values. When I asked Sarah more about his history, she told me - as I expected - that he never had dieted before. If anyone is likely to keep the weight off, it's a male who has never dieted before...

Now I think about the people who come to him for personal training. He may be wonderful at teaching people how to use their bodies for fitness, strength and flexibility. But in my experience, many people who go to personal trainers want to lose weight, and their trainers are often ready to give advice. I couldn't help imagining his inspiring, supportive words like, "If I can do it, you can do it too." And then I couldn't help imagining the shame someone would feel once again as she tries to do what she's supposed to, but doesn't lose weight. She may be more fit, stronger and more flexible, but if the focus is on weight loss, does that count for her? For her trainer? For the culture at large? Or does she experience shame - that is so insidious - and consider herself a failure?

Last week, a woman that I've worked with sent me a beautiful letter she wrote to the person in charge of fitness at the facility where she exercises. I recognize that many fitness and other health professionals honestly believe that they are inspiring others with stories of "success" and don't understand how their words and actions create shame for their clients. With her permission, I am printing it here (using an initial instead of real names) - it speaks loudly and clearly for itself and shows the power of speaking out:

Dear J:
I'm F's trainee; you see me regularly at the JCC. I'm a fat person who is using movement in order to become fit, not in order to become thin. I want to be able to walk far, have good circulation, a lot of energy and good health overall. I am usually at the end of my day when I see you and don't have energy for anything other than working out with F.

What I want to do is open a discussion with you about the weight loss program you are involved with at the JCC which is named after or references tv's The Biggest Loser. Research has shown that a program focused on dieting with weight loss as a goal is unhealthy and does not work. F told me that you're very open to new information and I'd like to send you some information about the effects of dieting, about the Health At Every Size premise, and also to let you know that when I see that "success" board upon entering the gym, showing who is "winning" at losing weight fast, that it makes me feel terrible and NOT want to be in the gym.

I would like you to read a book by Linda Bacon called Health At Every Size: The Truth About Your Weight. If your office doesn't have a budget for it, I will lend you my copy. It is here, on Amazon: http://bit.ly/2AygHr
and information on it is here at Linda Bacon's website: http://www.lindabacon.org/HAESbook/

Linda Bacon's site is here:
http://www.haescommunity.org/

Another view of movement, health, and the myth of dieting is here:
http://www.thebodypositive.org/

I'm also attaching a piece on healthy living at any size.

I realize that the idea behind The Biggest Loser is a very popular one and that certainly you are satisfying the requests of a number of your clients by initiating and providing this contest. I propose that it is irresponsible to promote this perspective of eating and exercising. I will come say hello soon when I'm in the gym and to answer any questions you may have regarding my ideas on this topic. I truly do not mean to be stealthy or be on the attack by emailing you: I am drained when at the gym and talking about this is hard.

On Thursday as I was leaving the gym, a child of about 6 years old poked his friend and pointed at me, laughing. The idea that all people are different sizes and have different health spectra, and that there is no perfect weight is one that should be promoted to all of the JCC's members and especially children. It is too easy to demonize fat and fat people and suggest that there is one answer. My own general doctor told me on Friday that she sees a lot of fat people and a lot of thin people in her practice and that overall, the fat ones have better health. No child should be encouraged to treat fat people this way and besides my own issues (that allow me to feel hurt when a small child makes fun of me) I think contests like this support the belief that the only way is the thin way.

Please reconsider your programming choices in favor of your clientele's health rather than their investment in America's delusion that weight loss rather than fitness is a superior goal and that becoming thinner is the answer to everything. This is a myth and is an unhealthy mode of operation.

I would love to help in any way that I can. I'd love to see a Health At Every Size discussion group at the JCC. It is hard for fat people to believe that they (we) are allowed to be in the world and that health and fitness are reachable goals regardless of BMI or waistline, etc. There is no SUPPORT for us that shores up the ideas of movement, feeling good, and listening to our bodies when it comes to nourishment. There is only shame and the push toward weight loss as a "solution".

Thank you for reading this and I will see you soon. Please feel very free to show this email to anyone and everyone. I feel strongly about this issue and want to make change so that all fat people are respected and so that fitness, rather than dieting and weight loss, becomes the focus of every athletic facility. One of the reasons I signed up for the JCC, a significant expense for me, was that I met F, a trainer who is NOT pushing diet as a focus and because I felt that the environment would be more comfortable for me because there are all kinds of people who use the gym; all levels of physical strength, all races, all ages, people in wheelchairs, fat people and thin people. The sign facing me when I enter now does not agree with the vision I had of the JCC when I first started there.

All my best,

R

Here is the response she received:

Hi R,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I will truly take all of this to heart and would love a time to chat with you. I am very open about things, am always willing to listen, learn etc.

In the meanwhile, please accept my dearest apologies for any hurt, pain, etc. that our Biggest Melt Down results board has caused you – that was never my intent but honestly a perspective I hadn’t thought of or was openly expressed, up until now! I will work on finding a more appropriate way to display results and try to please everyone (you, the team, their trainers – perhaps something else we can discuss).

I will take a look at the resources you listed – thank you for the suggestions.

Take care,

J.

Now that's what I call inspiration!

If you have your own stories of speaking out (or not speaking out) please leave a comment.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

SNIPPET

I was leaving my office to do a quick errand the other day, and I caught a snippet of a radio interview about the current state of health insurance. The guest (I can't tell you who he was...) was suggesting that certain groups should pay higher premiums because of their increased risk for illness and injury.

I already knew what was coming...

On the positive side, he mentioned a few categories of people who engage in a variety of risky behaviors - ski jumping was part of the list - before he went to the F word to explain who should take on more of the high costs of insurance. Not surprisingly, he spent the most time (at least what I heard) explaining that people who are fat put a burden on our healthcare system.

If you've been listening to the healthcare debate, undoubtedly you've heard this idea many times by now - people who are "overweight" and "obese" need to lose weight or pay higher premiums because they are costing us too much money. I have a big problem with this thinking.

First, let me say that I have nothing against people losing weight - if that's what their bodies naturally do when they live a life of wellness. It's just that I'm weight neutral. Body size is a characteristic - not a behavior - and therefore not necessarily malleable. We cannot know anything about a person's health status based on size - and many of the correlations between health and weight have been debunked.

Think about this: The person who is fat because of an illness, or a medication, or genetics, or a history of yo-yo dieting. Should they be punished with higher premiums?

How about a person who eats a healthful diet, exercises regularly...and is fat. Should they be punished with higher premiums?

How about a person who never exercises, eat a poor diet...and is thin. Should they be rewarded with lower premiums?

All of these scenarios exist. If companies want to offer incentives, they need to be based on behaviors that can be quantified and applied to ALL individuals, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity and size.

If insurance companies want to offer incentives for reduced premiums, the fair approach is to target behaviors we can all potentially engage in, such as not smoking or participating in regular exercise. Many will argue over whether even these incentives are fair; but at least if we level the playing field, then people of all sizes can potentially improve their health and lower their insurance costs - isn't that what everyone wants?

This focus on weight loss is damaging to our individual and cultural psyches, and does not move us any closer to solving the healthcare crisis.

The Conversation

During a lunch meeting with my editor a couple of years ago, we were discussing topics related to book publishing, including my love of writing. She told me that it's important to pay attention to "the conversation," as I consider what I might write about in the future - "what are the topics that everyone's starting to talk about?" she asked me.

Part of being an author is that after the thrilling news that your book is accepted for publication, and then the excitement of seeing your book come to life, you have to spend a lot of time figuring out how to get the word out there. I'm happy to say that several years after the release of The Diet Survivor's Handbook, I am truly part of the conversation in a way I would never have expected!

On Friday, I got a "google alert" that lets me know my name has come up somewhere. It turns out that the LA Times has a column called Cocktail talking points for the weekend. This list highlights what is front and center in the news, with a sentence to start a conversation when you're at your favorite weekend social event.

As someone who doesn't have the easiest time making conversation at cocktail parties, I sure got a kick out of seeing a quote of mine from an LA Times story, that had appeared a week earlier, in Deborah Netburn's list for the weekend of October 17.

Cocktail talking points for the weekend of October 17

Here's what she wrote:

2. Fat activists: It's a complicated issue, fat activism. Not all obese people are unhealthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are. Still, does that give us a right to judge? Here's a quote from our story: "Size tolerance, fat-acceptance activists say, should be right up there with religious tolerance, ethnic tolerance and gay tolerance. 'It's the culture that has to change,' says Judith Matz, director of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating."

Conversation starter: I'm size tolerant; are you?

So here I am - right in the middle of the conversation - and very glad to be there!

I'd like to continue the conversation that Ms. Netburn refers to when she says, "Not all obese people are unhealthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are." I would add that, "Not all thin people are healthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are!" My point is that there are fat people who are healthy and fat people who aren't, just as there are thin people who are healthy and thin people who aren't. Whether you call it fat acceptance, size diversity, or even this new term of size tolerance, the goal is to become weight neutral: get rid of assumptions based on body size.

When I do workshops where people are exploring their own attitudes about weight, I sometimes brainstorm a list, asking participants, "what do you think about when you think of someone who is thin and someone who is fat?" Here are some typical responses:

THIN FAT

happy lazy

successful stupid

sexy inactive

attractive unhappy

active unhealthy

healthy ugly

Next, it's helpful to take these words, and think about the real people you know in your life. If you're like most of us, there are people you know who are thin, but do not necessarily have the perfect life suggested by the associated words. Likewise, you can surely point to some people you know who are fat - friends, relatives and/or colleagues - who you would not characterize by the words listed in the fat column.

What's going on here is stereotyping. It has happened to every group that's in the minority - Jews, Italians, African-Americans, homosexuals - to name a few, and it happens everyday to people who are fat. At this point in our history, while it is no longer acceptable to stereotype most of the groups who fall outside of the mainstream, weightism continues to permeate our culture. The acceptability of stereotyping fat people as unhealthy, for example, can be seen in the healthcare debate that often blames those who are larger for growing health care costs, even in an administration that is particularly sensitive to the needs of minority groups.

The series of LA Times articles that originally quoted me were exploring fat as "the new normal." As more and more attention focuses on issues of quitting diets, size acceptance and Health At Every Size, we can hope to move to a future that is weight neutral. Each person can foster wellness by embracing behaviors that promote physical and emotional well-being, and wherever their body size lands - thin, fat, and anywhere between - is where they are entitled to live their lives, free from the shame and discrimination that so often rears its ugly head.

This conversation is here to stay for now. With all of the attention on the "obesity crisis," those fighting for the rights of people at any size are becoming well-organized; The Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH, www.sizediversityandhealth.org/) held it's annual conference in Washington D.C. in August organizing visits to Capitol Hill to educate legislators about Health At Every Size; Fat Studies is receiving greater attention as an academic focus, and with the release of the new Fat Studies Reader, Amy Farrell was on the popular Colbert Report (http://www.fromthesquare.org/?p=712), bringing humor and awareness to a nationwide audience.

And for diet survivors everywhere, stories like the recent LA Times, Dieting? Not for these folks validates the courageous decision to let go of dieting and develop a healthy relationship with food through attuned/intuitive eating. Given the billions of dollars people have spent over the past decades to get thin, if diets really worked, we wouldn't be needing to have this conversation.

If you'd like to read the LA Times series, here are the links.

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fine-with-fat12-2009oct12,0,5001495.story

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fat-activists12-2009oct12,0,2666405.story

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fat-health12-2009oct12,0,1663814.story

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

You Have Got to be Kidding!

Years ago, I remember visiting my dear friend in the hospital hours after she had given birth to a healthy baby girl. Holding her infant daughter, who was swaddled in a hospital blanket decorated with pastel colored teddy bears, my friend was beaming.

"She's beautiful," I said.

My friend smiled and responded, "I know. She only weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces, and I'm hoping from day one, she'll always be petite and thin."

All I could think about was this poor little baby, only hours old, and already her mother was preoccupied with her weight and her wish for her daughter be be thin. While I was appalled, apparently the insurance companies approve of this sentiment. This was what I read about today:

A Colorado health insurance company denied 4 month old Alex Lange coverage claiming he has a pre-existing condition - obesity - which makes him a financial risk. Alex weighs 17 pounds and is breastfed. After gaining national attention, The Rocky Mountain Health Plan said this past Monday that it will reverse it's decision for babies who are "healthy but fat."

Alex's mother, Kelli Lange, said that her baby has had nothing but breat milk and that the brief insurance rejection didn't change how she fed him. She stated, "I'm not going to withhold food to get him down to below that number of 95 {the 95% on the bell shaped curve}. Good for her. Although I do worry a bit when Alex's parents joked that, "when he is ready for solid food, they will start him on slim-Fast."

I remember being in a play group way back when. There was a woman who was a nurse and the mother of 6 month old Kyle. Kyle had a healthy appetite and was exclusively bottlefed. Kyle was a big, happy, health baby until his pediatrician and mother became concerned about his weight. They decided that Kyle's intake must be reduced. They cut out a predetermined number of ounces, reducing the number of bottles he was allowed each day. From that point on, when we met for our weekly playgroup, I came equipped with a bottle of Excedrin. Kyle would scream, cry and howl. The once happy baby became miserable when he was up, and would no longer go down for his nap. He just cried and cried. Kyle was hungry, and his mother refused to feed him, "for his own good." His mother, I should add, was a chronic dieter who, I have to say, was a bit on the moody side herself.

We need health care reform, and major changes in the health insurance industry, for sure. The Alex Lange case is outrageous. But we also need some intensive care as a culture. The hope for a lower weight infant daughter to stay petite and thin? The withholding of sustenance from a happy, thriving 6 month old because he's deemed "too fat?" No wonder there is such body shame in our culture, and so many people engaged in an unhealthy relationship with food, their bodies and themselves. I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, that babies, before the interference begins, can model for those of us who forget:

"When hungry eat your rice, when tired close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean." -Lin-Chi

Namaste,
Ellen

OPEN HOUSE: TAKE TWO

In September, Judith blogged about her experience at her son's open house. She was pleasantly surprised by the physical education teacher who talked about his emphasis on celebrating body size diversity, and his intolerance of students making negative comments about weight. Voicing how impressed she was by the physical education teacher, and how rare and needed his perspective was, her husband had wondered aloud if there weren't a lot of teachers out there promoting the idea that people come in different shapes and sizes.

I thought I'd tell you about my experience at my son's high school open house this past week. My son is a senior, and after sitting in with his teachers in classes like AP Calculus, Statistics and Robotics, I was looking forward to meeting with his gym class where I figured my heart wouldn't race so much, being that I'm a bit math and science phobic.

Minutes into the physical education teacher's presentation, my heart was racing and my pulse quickening much more intensely than talk about Chi Squares and derivatives. He talked about the activities they would be focusing on throughout the year, and the importance of instilling in the students the need for both physical activity and nutrition...wait for it...to make sure they don't become victim to the "Freshman 15" at college, that they stay thin, and that they fear gaining any weight because obesity is the leading cause of death in this country.

Now, I'm all for good nutrition and physical activity for the sake of health and a positive sense of well-being, enjoyment and pleasure. But this came from a place of fearing fat, and the inaccurate notion that obesity is the biggest killer in the country. I wanted to gather up all of the research and introduce the physical education teacher to the statistics teacher so that the gym teacher could see that he was spreading inaccurate research and faulty conclusions.

I don't think my sister, Judith, and I engage in too much sibling rivalry, but boy, did I envy her son and his physical education teacher!

As the gym teacher was concluding his short talk, he announced that we should support the student council by visiting the the bake sale in the cafeteria and purchasing some baked goods. Walking out, a parent said to me, "I'm upset by that talk." As I was about to launch in with my thoughts and join him in his concern, he continued, "He was right about kids needing to lose weight and stay thin, but then he blows it by telling us to buy something at the bake sale. That's not going to help our children lose weight."

I thought of launching into obesity and diet myths, sitting this man and the physical education teacher down and talking with them about HAES and about attuned eating. But honestly, that night I just didn't have the energy. Instead, I thought about how much my son loves chocolate covered strawberries, which they had at the bake sale, and I bought him some instead. That act itself slowed my pounding heart. Coming home that night, my son happily biting into a chocolate covered strawberry, I told him about the open house, about what it was like meeeting his teachers, sitting in his classrooms. When I started to tell him about the physical education teacher he said, "Oh, I meant to warn you about that. The whole Freshman 15, huh?" I shook my head yes. "Maybe I should give him your book," he said. When I smiled at him he said, "Are you hungry for something sweet? Do you want a strawberry?" And I smiled at him and took a big, juicy bite!

Namaste,
Ellen

Chocolate

We were having a "delicious" conversation the other day on a list serve that I belong to. One member explained that she struggled with overeating when she was younger, but is now an attuned/intuitive eater. She has always had a "sweet tooth" and continues to crave chocolate almost everyday - she becomes crabby if she wants it, but it's not available. Yet when she eats chocolate, she feels completely satisfied - sometimes after a few bites, sometimes after more -and doesn't feels uncomfortably full or that she is overeating/bingeing. She wondered if because of her need for chocolate every day, and sometimes more than once a day, people might consider her to be addicted to chocolate.

Here was my response:

"The beauty of intuitive/attuned eating is that everyone gets to decide what types of foods are right for them. So, you are someone who needs chocolate every day - enjoy! As you said, you feel good after you eat it and stop when you've had enough - you sound very in tune with yourself. In my work with clients, I rarely share the types of food that I eat because I don't want someone to ever think that there is a "right" way to feed oneself. But the one thing I do find myself offering from time to time is that I eat chocolate every day (and often I'm in the mood for sweets more than once a day...). I want to normalize that because it's still so much of the diet mentality that has seeped into our culture to think that somehow you shouldn't have sweets every day.

As for the thought that maybe a craving for sweet is a need for fruit (mentioned by another list serve member) chocolate and apples feel really different in your body. Sometimes I want chocolate and sometimes I want an apple, and I'd be as off eating an apple when I crave chocolate as I would eating chocolate when I crave an apple. Again, listening and taking out the judgement are key."

Our list serve discussion got me thinking more about chocolate. I had just finished a novel in which one of the characters, a precocious 12 year old girl, briefly contemplates her love of chocolate:

"This afternoon, after school, there was no one at home. I took some hazelnut chocolate from the kitchen and went to eat it in the living room. I was comfortably settled on the sofa, nibbling on my chocolate and ruminating on my next profound thought. I was thinking it would be a profound thought about chocolate or the way you nibble it, in particular, with a central question: what is it that is so good about chocolate? The substance itself, or the technique of chewing it?"

Just what is so good about chocolate? I'm at a loss of words myself to describe what makes it so wonderful. But I do know that it appeals to a lot of us, especially women. In fact, nutritionist Debra Waterhouse has an entire book devoted to this topic called Why Women Need Chocolate. When Ellen and I wrote Beyond a Shadow of a Diet, our book for mental health professionals, we included the following:

"Debra Waterhouse emphasizes that female food cravings are a 'normal, biological need for a specific food that will balance a woman's body and mind and revitalize her well-being.' She explains the brain chemistry of food cravings, noting that sugar and fat from chocolate boost serotonin and endorphin levels, resulting in positive mood and renewed energy. 'No study has ever found that women frequently crave tofu, Spam, or nonfat cottage cheese, and no study has ever found that men frequently crave chocolate...Only women crave these foods consistently.' "

Many years ago I had a booth at a health fair. A woman looked over my materials and said, "No, I don't have a problem with food. Except that I like to eat some chocolate every day" I explained to her that eating chocolate was natural and fine, and she replied, "You mean I can stop feeling guilty?" "Absolutely," I told her. What a shame that she had to feel that eating chocolate was "sinful" in the first place, but how nice that she seemed willing to let that belief go.

So back to my own chocolate cravings! While some women notice an increase in their desire for chocolate prior to menstruation, I like to eat chocolate all month long. When I eat chocolate it's because in addition to the way it tastes, it gives me just the right feeling physically in my body. Sometimes I prefer it with a glass of milk, sometimes I prefer it by itself. But I always make sure I have some with me wherever I go - to work, on vacation, at a conference.

I was in Costa Rica a couple of years ago, and, thankfully, had brought some chocolate with me. A woman on the trip was celebrating her birthday and said the only thing missing was some chocolate; she liked to have some every day, and couldn't find any at the hotel. I told her that I had chocolate in my room and would be happy to share some with her. Her face lit up - and I was glad to give her this small gift. Yes, you can always rely on me to have chocolate on hand!

So am I "addicted" to chocolate? I also happen to eat a banana every day, but I've never heard of anyone talking about an addiction to bananas! Like my list serve colleague, I eat chocolate in a way that's a perfect match for me.

And I don't need advertisements to tell me things like: My Moment - My Dove. I'll eat my Dove chocolates whenever I'm hungry for them, but not as a way to take time for myself - as women, we need to take time for ourselves when we need it, without feeling that we need to use food as an excuse to slow down. Yet the act of relishing my chocolate - or whatever food I'm hungry for at a particular time - does make for a satisfying moment.

If you're a chocolate lover, enjoy your cravings and the satisfaction that comes from this amazing substance. And if you have a way to describe just what it is about chocolate that tastes so good, please feel free to give it a try!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

Open House

Last week I attended Parent's Night at my son's high school. I always look forward to getting a firsthand view of my children's teachers so that I can have a better sense of what their life is like during all those hours they spend away from home. While gym class isn't high on my priority list of exciting presentations, I was looking forward to seeing Mr. P. who I've known from previous years.

I entered the big gym and chatted with some of the parents that I knew. Mr. P. started the typical shpiel about what types of activities the students would do throughout the year, the importance of attendance, and what it's like to work with Freshman boys. That's when my ears perked up.

After telling us that he comes off as a tough guy in the beginning - even though he's actually a pretty low-key kind of guy - he offered his philosophy for making physical education a positive experience for everyone.

He told the parents that he will absolutely not tolerate any negative comments about weight. He stated that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes, and that by the time the swimming unit comes around next spring he wants everybody - yes, he meant Every Body - to feel comfortable and have fun. By letting the boys know his expectations from the outset, he believes he can encourage a safe environment for each and every student.

Wow! Did I hear that correctly? I have to admit that when I attend PE, Consumer Ed, and Health classes at various open houses, I usually brace myself for some comments about staying fit to prevent obesity or eating healthy foods to prevent obesity. (I'm all for fitness and understanding nutrition - but I want it to come from a positive place that promotes wellness for all children, rather than from a fear of getting fat that stigmatizes larger students.) I'm generally pleased when no comments are made about body size, but to hear a message to the kids and parents that supports size diversity is downright inspirational!

And it got me thinking. Can you imagine if every single teacher had a "no tolerance policy" regarding bullying, teasing and making negative comments about weight? What if they took that next step and regularly referred to the wonderful variations among all human beings, including body shape and size? Wouldn't that promote self- esteem for all students and help all of our children grow into more compassionate adults?

Here's my next question: How did Mr. P. become so enlightened? After the presentation, in the brief moment I had to greet him, I thanked him for his words and told him how wonderful I thought it was that he teaches his students about size diversity. He seemed pleased to hear my compliment; I couldn't tell if he realized that what he is saying is quite different from the usual messages that are given both overtly and covertly to students about body size.

Or so I think. After we left the open house, I told my husband how impressed I was by Mr. P., and how rare it is to hear a teacher promote the idea that people come in different shapes in sizes.

My husband's response was, "How do you know that? How do you know there aren't a lot of teachers out there who have a size positive attitude?"

Well, there was the Report on Size Discrimination put out by the National Educational Association in 1993, which concluded that within school systems, large students experienced "ongoing prejudice, unnoticed discrimination and almost constant harassment," while teachers experienced "socially acceptable yet outrageous insensitivity and rudeness" regarding their own weight.

But that was in 1993 so perhaps things have improved since then. Yet in my work with clients, at workshops and conferences, and among my colleagues dedicated to Health At Every Size, I've hear innumerable stories of harassment at the hands of gym teachers because of weight, leaving these former students feeling shamed, embarrassed and humiliated. At the same time, I know that there have been some wonderful curricula developed in recent years to teach body-esteem to students - and teachers - that may changing attitudes toward fat and tolerance of negative comments about body size.

So here's my question for you: Is Mr. P. one in a million? Or is he part of a new trend? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith