That's What I'm Talking About!

Earlier today, I was telling my 16 year old son about some of the people I ran into during a brief excursion to the local mall. I added, "I don't think you'll remember this person. He wasn't in your grade." My son responded, "Yes I do. He's chubby and he used to go to our Sunday School."

I was reflecting on our conversation later, and I thought about how easily the word "chubby" rolled off his tongue. There was no hesitancy in using the word, and most importantly, there was nothing pejorative or judgmental in the tone of his voice. "Chubby" was merely an accurate description that let me know he knew exactly who I was talking about.

This interaction made me recall a very different experience I had this past spring when I attended a conference on the topic of eating disorders. After the speaker presented her research, I asked her a question about her methods in assessing the relationship between fat children and emotional problems. A woman sitting at my table - who I did not know - leaned over and admonished me for using the "f" word, shocked that I didn't know it was "politically incorrect" to refer to someone as fat! I tried to explain that I was merely using "fat" as a description and that, in fact, in the circles I travel, the words "overweight" and "obese" are often considered "politically incorrect" because they assume pathology. Just as the phrase "black is beautiful" was a way to reclaim a positive connotation of being black in the 1960's, so too are people in the size acceptance movement reclaiming the word "fat" as a legitimate description of body size - and one that they are entitled to feel pride in.

I'm usually good with words, but whatever I said seemed to make things worse. The moment the conference ended, this same woman came up to me and said, "We need to talk." I braced myself - I don't usually argue with people about this sensitive topic, and I was also anxious to get home. But I felt trapped, and thus the conversation began. She told me that she felt that by using the word "fat," I was intentionally humiliating her. This was quite a jolt to me, since I consider myself to be a person who is extremely conscious of not shaming people about body size. I did my best to be present with her, to listen patiently to her concerns, and to reassure her that my use of the word "fat" came from my own beliefs. I explained my point of view: that people naturally come in all shapes and sizes, and that they deserve to feel good in their bodies whether thin, fat or anywhere in between. This time around, I seemed to get through to her. She visibly relaxed and graciously thanked me for the conversation, saying now she understood where I was coming from.

I suppose it's cliche to say that the next generation is our hope. But I sure like knowing that by modeling an attitude of size acceptance within my own family, my son is able to let the word "chubby" roll off his tongue with no more judgment than saying a person is tall or short, has brown hair, or green eyes. After all, it's only when people choose to view body fat as a negative trait - and associate it with judgmental words like lazy, stupid, or overindulgent - that it takes on a pejorative meaning that's peppered with shame, so that the majority of people in our culture consider it taboo to use. Take away the stereotypes, add in the individuality of each person and the uniqueness of every body, and "fat" simply becomes one more word that helps us communicate with each other. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

The Conversation

During a lunch meeting with my editor a couple of years ago, we were discussing topics related to book publishing, including my love of writing. She told me that it's important to pay attention to "the conversation," as I consider what I might write about in the future - "what are the topics that everyone's starting to talk about?" she asked me.

Part of being an author is that after the thrilling news that your book is accepted for publication, and then the excitement of seeing your book come to life, you have to spend a lot of time figuring out how to get the word out there. I'm happy to say that several years after the release of The Diet Survivor's Handbook, I am truly part of the conversation in a way I would never have expected!

On Friday, I got a "google alert" that lets me know my name has come up somewhere. It turns out that the LA Times has a column called Cocktail talking points for the weekend. This list highlights what is front and center in the news, with a sentence to start a conversation when you're at your favorite weekend social event.

As someone who doesn't have the easiest time making conversation at cocktail parties, I sure got a kick out of seeing a quote of mine from an LA Times story, that had appeared a week earlier, in Deborah Netburn's list for the weekend of October 17.

Cocktail talking points for the weekend of October 17

Here's what she wrote:

2. Fat activists: It's a complicated issue, fat activism. Not all obese people are unhealthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are. Still, does that give us a right to judge? Here's a quote from our story: "Size tolerance, fat-acceptance activists say, should be right up there with religious tolerance, ethnic tolerance and gay tolerance. 'It's the culture that has to change,' says Judith Matz, director of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating."

Conversation starter: I'm size tolerant; are you?

So here I am - right in the middle of the conversation - and very glad to be there!

I'd like to continue the conversation that Ms. Netburn refers to when she says, "Not all obese people are unhealthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are." I would add that, "Not all thin people are healthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are!" My point is that there are fat people who are healthy and fat people who aren't, just as there are thin people who are healthy and thin people who aren't. Whether you call it fat acceptance, size diversity, or even this new term of size tolerance, the goal is to become weight neutral: get rid of assumptions based on body size.

When I do workshops where people are exploring their own attitudes about weight, I sometimes brainstorm a list, asking participants, "what do you think about when you think of someone who is thin and someone who is fat?" Here are some typical responses:

THIN FAT

happy lazy

successful stupid

sexy inactive

attractive unhappy

active unhealthy

healthy ugly

Next, it's helpful to take these words, and think about the real people you know in your life. If you're like most of us, there are people you know who are thin, but do not necessarily have the perfect life suggested by the associated words. Likewise, you can surely point to some people you know who are fat - friends, relatives and/or colleagues - who you would not characterize by the words listed in the fat column.

What's going on here is stereotyping. It has happened to every group that's in the minority - Jews, Italians, African-Americans, homosexuals - to name a few, and it happens everyday to people who are fat. At this point in our history, while it is no longer acceptable to stereotype most of the groups who fall outside of the mainstream, weightism continues to permeate our culture. The acceptability of stereotyping fat people as unhealthy, for example, can be seen in the healthcare debate that often blames those who are larger for growing health care costs, even in an administration that is particularly sensitive to the needs of minority groups.

The series of LA Times articles that originally quoted me were exploring fat as "the new normal." As more and more attention focuses on issues of quitting diets, size acceptance and Health At Every Size, we can hope to move to a future that is weight neutral. Each person can foster wellness by embracing behaviors that promote physical and emotional well-being, and wherever their body size lands - thin, fat, and anywhere between - is where they are entitled to live their lives, free from the shame and discrimination that so often rears its ugly head.

This conversation is here to stay for now. With all of the attention on the "obesity crisis," those fighting for the rights of people at any size are becoming well-organized; The Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH, www.sizediversityandhealth.org/) held it's annual conference in Washington D.C. in August organizing visits to Capitol Hill to educate legislators about Health At Every Size; Fat Studies is receiving greater attention as an academic focus, and with the release of the new Fat Studies Reader, Amy Farrell was on the popular Colbert Report (http://www.fromthesquare.org/?p=712), bringing humor and awareness to a nationwide audience.

And for diet survivors everywhere, stories like the recent LA Times, Dieting? Not for these folks validates the courageous decision to let go of dieting and develop a healthy relationship with food through attuned/intuitive eating. Given the billions of dollars people have spent over the past decades to get thin, if diets really worked, we wouldn't be needing to have this conversation.

If you'd like to read the LA Times series, here are the links.

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fine-with-fat12-2009oct12,0,5001495.story

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fat-activists12-2009oct12,0,2666405.story

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fat-health12-2009oct12,0,1663814.story

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith