Sunday, December 27, 2009

MAGAZINE MADNESS

I was at the airport yesterday, waiting for my flight back to Chicago, and thought I'd pass some time at the newsstand. I expected that with the New Year just around the corner, the women's magazines would be full of diet and weight loss tips - and I have to tell you that I was not disappointed.

I remember when The Diet Survivor's Handbook was first released, and our publicist at Sourcebooks told us that every January, the magazines have the same theme: "A New Year - A New You." Wow...a new me every 12 months? That feels like a lot of pressure!

I borrowed a pad of paper from my son, and started jotting down all of the brilliant ideas to help us lose weight - since apparently the ones they offered last year didn't work out so well for their readers. I offer them here to you, with the following suggestions:

  • First, take a deep breath. And now another one.
  • Remember that if any of them really worked, they wouldn't need to keep coming up with more.
  • Finally, a little humor always helps. With that in mind, I thought I'd make an attempt at rewriting some of my "favorites."

Self Magazine:
The Food Lover's Diet - 31 Tiny Tricks That Peel Off Major Pounds
My Edit:
The Food Lover's Diet - Eat What You Love and Savor Every Bite

Allure
The Easiest Diet Ever: Drop 600 Calories A Day Without Feeling Hungry
My Edit:
The Easiest Diet Ever: Eat When You Are Hungry And You'll Never Feel Hungry (duh!)

Shape:
How We Lost 477 Pounds Together: 6 Women Share The Diet Secrets That Worked For Them
My Edit:
How We Raised Our Consciousness Together : 6 Women Share Their Wisdom And Empower Each Other

Fitness
Your Best Body Ever
My Edit:
Your Body Is The Best Body Ever

O Magazine
How To Get What You Really Want This Year: Weight Loss That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secrets For Keeping The Pounds Off
My Edit:
Keep Working Toward Getting What You Really Want This Year: Body Satisfaction That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secret Is That There Is No Secret For Keeping The Pounds Off.

Seventeen
Total Body Confidence - Great Abs, Butt & Legs By New Year's
My Edit: (I got kind of hopeful with the first part...)
Total Body Confidence - Enjoy Your Body In Its Fullness All Year Long

Us
The Biggest Loser - How I Did It!
My Edit:
The Biggest Winner - How I Did It! Tips To Love, Respect, And Honor Yourself

Woman's World:
Break Through Ohio State University BELLY FAT CURE! Discovery - Two Spoonfuls Of This Oil Will Block Fat Storage! Melt 5" Of Belly Fat - No Diet Required!
My Edit:
Woman's World Announces Bankruptcy As Readers Boycott Magazine Due To Outrageous Claims!

Imagine what it would be like to stand in the grocery line, and see magazine articles that actually support and nurture the well-being of women. Would they sell?

I know that as long as women buy what they're writing, they'll keep on writing it...and then women will keep feeling "not good enough"...prompting the need for more "A New Year - A New You" articles. A most unfortunate vicious cycle.

If this "magazine madness" brings you down, avoid them at all costs! Or at least take a shot at turning their negative messages into positive ones - I had fun giving it a try and just may make it an annual event.

As 2009 comes to a close, may you find peace and fulfillment in who you are now and in your journey to live with a full heart, mind and spirit.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith







10 comments:

Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD said...

Very clever! I'd add one more headline:

Warning:Dieting Can Make You Fat!
[source: http://bit.ly/1R5Azs ]

Julie said...

Love this! Thankyou.

Julie Duffy Dillon said...

So creative and right on! I hope you do make this an annual event.

Janine said...

Very well written...clever, clever. And fun to read!

Saw another unrealistic publication title today at the checkout in the supermarket: Self Magazine, "Jump Start 2010 It's Your Eat More to Weigh Less Diet" which should be, "It's Your Eat More Fruits and Vegetables to Weigh Less Lifestyle Plan".

No one would buy that magazine with THAT title.

Janine Gregor
Marketing Virtual Assistant
www.YourVirtualWizard.com

Elizabeth Patch said...

Great rewrites Judy! I illustrated a fake magazine cover for the crazy "Holiday Survival Issue" we see every year (you know the ones that promise instant weight loss next to pictures of amazing desserts...)

Diet Survivors Group said...

This was sent to me directly by e-mail and I'm posting with her permission - lots of wonderful and creative headlines!

Judith,

Your Magazine Madness entry was great – it got me started fantasizing about the headlines I wanted to read in 2010:


· Woman Awakens After 25-Year Trance and Realizes Weight Loss Diets Solve Nothing: Could This Be You?

· Consumers Organize Boycott Against False Promises of Weight Loss; Economy Nearly Crashes

· Industry Leaders Seek to End Boycott By Promising to Cease Fat-Bashing For All Time

· Obesity Epidemic Revealed As Mean-Spirited Conspiracy of Unprecedented Scope: Obama Apologizes to Fat People On Behalf of Entire First World

· WHO, CDC, AMA and Other Major Health Orgs Adopt HAES As Official Policy



Why not dream big? Happy New Year to All!



Fall Ferguson

www.haescoach.com

"Imagine a world where we all get to love our bodies..."

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Sunny Sea Gold said...

As a long-time women's magazine editor AND an eating disorders/body image advocate I say...I love every last one of these. :)