THE WEIGHT OF WELLNESS

As a promoter of wellness, I am sometimes asked to have a booth at wellness fairs, and I had the opportunity to do so yesterday. My colleague and good friend, Debbie, was one of the organizers at the 2010 Wellness Day at her temple, where they've developed a wonderful program to promote enrichment and renewal throughout the year. This particular day combined a fantastic line-up of workshops with a variety of vendors.

When I arrived at temple I had to set up in a hurry - I had completely forgotten about the time change and was just deciding what to wear when my husband informed me that it was an hour later than I thought! Thank goodness I had packed up what I needed to bring the day before.

I displayed my handouts, brochures and books to teach people about the non-diet approach, and enjoyed the many conversations with attendees who stopped by to ask questions and share their experiences. As people left the room to attend a slot of workshops, I finally had a chance to look around.

Next to me on my right, there were two female doctors, primarily advertising skin care services, and I immediately noticed the botox brochures. I can't help having a reaction to that - it just makes me think about the constant focus on looking younger. One of these women came over to my table and asked about my services. After my explanation, she said, "we help people lose weight too." Hmmm....is that what I said? She picked up a copy of The Diet Survivor's Handbook and asked if she could take a look. "Sure," I said, hoping that would clarify my message. Apparently it did. She dropped it back off at my table, and never made eye contact with me again.

That interaction got me thinking. I wished I had asked her about how she helps people lose weight and what the results are. I am so reactive to people prescribing any kind of diet, that I generally just avoid the conversation.

So I decided to get curious. Instead of just feeling tense - and making all kinds of assumptions - I figured that in the quiet time between workshops, I would talk to other vendors and listen with an open mind.

I started with Herbal Life. I asked the woman behind the table to tell me what she was offering. She explained that she drinks these drinks (there were samples available, but they looked awful; my mind - and taste buds - weren't that open).

She made it clear that this was not a diet because, she agreed, diets don't work. Instead, she has a machine to check how much protein you need for your body, and you can then get however many grams it tells you are right for you through their protein drinks. I asked her why not get the protein through real food, and she told me that there were a lot less calories in the drink than food. On this not-a-diet plan she has lost 30 pounds since August and runs a program out of her home to help others do the same. I asked her if she had any statistics on how people were doing at sustaining their weight loss five years out - the standard set through the National Institutes of Health - and she told me that she didn't know, but that she thought it was a great question. I invited her to stop by my booth - she never did.

I returned to my table proud of myself for having the conversation, but feeling no relief for my tension. On my left, there was a social service organization that serves teens, and on their table was a large basket of stress balls. "Do you mind if I take one of those?" I asked the young woman at the table, "I could really use it." "Sure," she said. I chose a purple one and squeezed many times.

My next stop was kitty corner from me in the room where a woman was advertising her personal training program. She greeted me as I walked over and offered me a t-shirt, which read, "Have you seen yourself naked?" "No thanks," I said. "I wouldn't wear that." Despite my attempt to stay open minded, I couldn't help myself as I launched into an explanation.

"I think that makes people feel shame," I told her. "I think it gives the message that you don't look okay, and you'd better do something about it. I spend much of my life trying to counter that idea."

"No," she responded, "I thought people would think that too, but they love it."

Forget the stress ball. I needed a massage and took advantage of one of the vendor's knowing hands on my back. Ten minutes later, I was a bit more relaxed, and decided that I had made enough observations for one day.

But then I saw the chocolate guy! You may remember my previous blog about my love of chocolate. This guy's shirt said something about healthy chocolate, and unfortunately, the word "healthy," is always a buzz word to me for "diet." However, it was now that time of the afternoon when I craved some chocolate, and even though I had my Dove chocolates in my bag, I decided to go on one last adventure.

The chocolate guy explained to me that chocolate, which comes from cacao, is actually a vegetable! I didn't know that...but I did know that chocolate is said to have healthful benefits. One of these benefits, he explained to me, is weight loss. Here we go again!

I spent a lot of time talking to Scott about his chocolate product, which actually tasted good. He explained the history of chocolate to me, which was quite interesting. He says that the process of manufacturing chocolate strips it of most of it's beneficial compounds, which apparently include a high concentration of antioxidants (according to his materials, three squares of xocai chocolate "is equivalent to eating 1.6 pounds of spinach or 6.5 pounds of tomatoes.") Maybe this is a type of chocolate that people would like to know about and have access to - regardless of whether they lose weight by using it.

I think it's time for me to clarify my view of weight loss. I consider myself to be weight neutral, which means that I do not have expectation of what a person should weigh, or a determination that someone is "successful" if they do lose weight. It's not that I'm against weight loss - it's just that I object to it being a stated goal of a program, since while any type of diet produces weight loss in the short-run, there is absolutely no proven way to help the vast majority of people sustain weight loss over time (if that research existed, we'd all know about it!) And, it potentially causes physical and emotional harm when used as a primary motivation for change. If - or when - weight loss does happen, I view it as a side effect of whatever journey a person is on to enhance their wellness. I hope that everyone will end up at whatever is a natural weight for them.

As I returned to my booth, I realized I had learned something new from the chocolate guy, and it got me thinking - if people frequently feel they're not supposed to eat chocolate because it's a "bad" food, and now they're actually told to eat it three times a day because it's a healthful food, what happens? Does the deprivation end, allowing people to take pleasure once again in this truly pleasurable food? I think the chocolate guy got excited by my curiosity and thought that I might be interested in it for my clients. I like to think that my clients, when they're hungry for chocolate, will make sure to get some. If this particular type of chocolate feels like a good match - for whatever reasons - I hope they will make sure to have some.

On the way home from Wellness Day, I was describing the day's events to my husband. He asked to see the brochure of the fitness program with the tag line, "have you seen yourself naked?" and liked what he read about it. Her model of personal training seems helpful, and the actual title of her business promotes empowering one's body - what a wonderful idea. But the weight loss references are all over the place.

I can't help but wonder what the experience was like for people at the wellness fair as they moved from vendors promising weight loss to my booth - which proclaimed that diets don't work, and the focus on weight loss is counterproductive. Is it possible to "sell" wellness without promising weight loss? Let's just say that as I continue to show up and promote my view of wellness whenever I can, I'll be making sure to have my brand new purple stress ball easily accessible.

Eat well! Live well Be well!

Judith

DEAR MICHELLE

As I was driving home from work a couple of months ago, I turned on the radio and caught the end of a story about Michelle Obama. She had given a speech that included her intention to launch a campaign to prevent childhood obesity, using a quote that suggested this generation of children would live shorter lives than their parents.

Immediately, I went into high alert and promised myself that I would at least write a letter explaining my point of view and my expertise in this area. But the holidays, family, and all of the other daily demands that can interfere with the best of intentions distracted me. When President Obama announced his wife’s initiative during the State of the Union address, I felt more saddened than surprised by what lays ahead.

I have the greatest respect for Mrs. Obama and have no doubt that she passionately believes in her mission. I think that her focus on weight and weight loss only goes to show how our culture normalizes the beliefs that you must be thin to be healthy, and that through changes in eating patterns - usually in the form of dieting - everyone can achieve a smaller body size. If this is what you believe, then a campaign that focuses on childhood obesity makes sense.

What I would give to meet Michelle at a local Starbucks for a cup of coffee and conversation! As I have with so many friends and colleagues, who also held similar views, I’d talk with her about what I’ve learned in my work with clients over the years, and how the science now supports these ideas.

I’d tell Michelle how wonderful it’s been to see her growing vegetables at the White House with children who can now appreciate the beauty of nature and the taste of fresh foods. I’d agree that making fruits and vegetables accessible and affordable for all children is a goal that would improve the quality of our children’s health. I’d applaud efforts to make physical education available on a daily basis – for children of all sizes – in our schools. I’d encourage her to figure out ways for organizations to support families so that all children have access to all kinds of activities, rather than spending hours in front of the TV (although sometimes, just chilling out in front of the TV after a demanding day at school is the perfect activity – just ask my children!)

Then I’d ask Michelle to take weight out of the equation. After all, good health is much broader than a number on the scale. I’d point out to her that there are thin children who are unhealthy, and ask if she is aware of girls who purge or use dangerous diet products to keep their weight low. I’d ask her if she knows that there are children who fall in the higher BMI categories that eat fruits and vegetables every day, are physically active, and come from a family where their genetic inheritance means a larger body size.

I’d also have to respectfully wonder if she’s familiar with the multitude of studies that challenge the notion of thin as most healthy. Katherine Flegal of the Centers for Disease Control released her findings in 2005 that showed no difference in death rates for people in the overweight and lower end of the obesity categories. In fact, she concluded that only people at either extreme – very large or very thin – had increased risk, with those who are the thinnest carrying the most risk. Two other long-term studies came out this past year – one from Canada and one from Japan – that also confirmed people in the “overweight” category of BMI actually live the longest lives.

I'd hope I'm not boring her with research and statistcs, but then I'd remind myself of the value Barack Obama places on science. I'd describe a huge study by Steven Blair, who was with the Cooper Institute at the time, that found obese-fit men have half the death rate of thin-unfit men, suggesting again weight is not the key factor when it comes to health. I'd point out that plenty of research shows yo-yo dieting, in which people repeatedly lose weight and regain the pounds, actually leads to health problems, such as heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

By now it might be time to refill our coffee, but if I could keep the First Lady’s attention for a little longer, I’d like to raise her awareness about the discrimination faced by children who are fat. Kids get bullied all the time, and body size is a frequent target. I'd ask her to imagine the experience of a large child when there’s a campaign to support obesity prevention at the highest level – by none other than her - a warm, kind and loving mother! I'd ask her if she understands the implications of her message: if obesity is “bad,” - and you are large - then you are not okay. I'd implore her to think about what that does to the self-esteem of our children, which I know she cares about very much. I'd like Michelle to know that even though I don't believe this is her intention, the campaign affects all children because the covert message is that if you're not already fat, you'd better do everything in your power not to gain weight - or else you will no longer be acceptable.

Now that we’ve (hopefully) established a connection, I’d like to get a little more personal in my conversation with Michelle. I want to broach the topic of her daughters, and how they will grow up to feel in their own bodies. I’d explain to her that it’s wonderful she viewed her daughter’s body size as “perfect,” and that her doctor was wrong to focus on their weight.

I'd suggest that the best way to raise healthy daughters is to help them stay connected to their hunger and fullness, provide them with a wide variety of food, and tell them to follow their dreams! I’d explain how focusing on food restrictions creates deprivation and frequently leads to the very weight gain she is trying to prevent. I'd share with her how I’ve worked with so many women over the years who felt great shame about their bodies - often triggered by a negative comment made about their body by someone who loved them - leading to a lifelong struggle with food and weight.

Which would lead me to a touchy subject. Speaking mother to mother, and wife to wife, I'd wonder if she might have a long talk with her husband who reportedly referred to their older daughter as "chubby." I have no doubt that if he understood that gaining weight is a natural part of female development and that the power of his statement - which is now public - can have a devastating effect on his daughter(s), he'd rethink how he talks about the wonder of their beautiful, developing bodies. I'd encourage them - as a couple - to stand by their commitment to diversity, and publicly acknowledge that this value extends not only to racial, ethnic and religious diversity, but to size diversity as well.

I'd suggest to Michelle that we all have a lens through which we view information, and I understand that she - with full support from the President - truly believes that this campaign will improve the lives of our children. So before we end our conversation, there's just a couple of more things I'd need to share.

Michelle, remember your statement that this generation of children will live shorter lives than their parents? I think you were referring to the quote by S. Jay Olansky, Ph.D. stating, "The current generation of children is the first generation in modern American history projected to have shorter life span than their parents."

I knew I had heard some challenge to that, so I sent a message to a list serve I'm on, and I want to share with you these responses:

Dr. Linda Bacon told me that she writes in her book, Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, "This proclamation was drawn from an opinion piece published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine and offered no statistical evidence to support its claim, though you would never know it from the authority it has been granted in the media. Consider this before you buy into the hype: Life expectancy has increased dramatically during the same time period in which our weight rose (from 70.8 years in 1970 to 77.8 years in 2005) and continues to hit record highs."

And then a couple of days later, Dr. Jon Robison, Assistant Professor at Michigan State University posted, "Also, when Olshansky was questioned about the validity of these predictions in an article in Scientific American entitled Obesity: An Overblown Epidemic (June 2005) he replied, 'These are just back of the envelope, plausible scenarios. We never meant for them to be portrayed as precise.' And yet they published them in one of the major medical journal in the world - and the Journal permitted it."

I'd sincerely hope that this information would make Michelle reflect on what she's putting out in the world - and how to truly make the world a better place. I'd give her a wonderful resource from the Academy for Eating Disorders, an international, professional organization, that offers guidelines to promote the health and well-being of all children.

Finally, I'd leave Michelle with an article that appeared on February 1, 2010 in the Huffington Post by Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh.

It is so moving that I am going to print it here:

"In the eating disorders world, putting any child on a diet is not only unacceptable but appalling.

In the eating disorders world, a father referring to his child as "chubby" and commenting on her eating habits is not only frowned upon it is reviled.

In the eating disorders world a mother who felt her children were "perfect" should not be corrected by a doctor who points to the children's weight as altering that.

In the eating disorders world it is well-known and embraced that healthy children rapidly gain weight as they approach puberty.

In the eating disorders world it is understood that dieting is an unhealthy behavior, that healthy weight is whatever one's body ends up with when they are behaviorally and mentally healthy - a wide range of body shapes and sizes. Average weight people can be unhealthy, and non-average weight people can be healthy.

Behaviors, not weight, are appropriate health goals.

But OUTSIDE the eating disorder world none of the above is true. In fact, most people believe the opposite on every single point, and are not aware of any other way to think or that the science supports all of the above. I am sucker-punched to read that our First Family put their daughters on a "diet" because they feared "obesity" and no doubt will be lauded for it.

This is not an eating disorder issue, however, and it should not be only us who know this and speak out about it. These are medical, social, and ultimately self-defeating errors in thinking that do harm to all children and all of us. I am very sad today."

________________

Michelle, thank you for the coffee and conversation. You have a lot of power. Use it well.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

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HAVE WE GONE BANANAS?

I was at the grocery store the other day, making my way through the produce aisle. I'm not much of a fruit eater, but I happen to love bananas! Usually around mid-morning, a banana hits the spot for me in taste, texture, and satisfaction. I like them to be more yellow than green, but definitely not too soft. So in order to get the ripeness I like, I buy some every 3 0r 4 days.

As I grabbed the bunch of bananas that looked just right, I noticed a green sticker on one of the bananas, in addition to the usual Dole label. It read: Lose Weight. See dolebananadiet.com

Oy vey! Does everything need to become a diet food? I don't know about you, but the minute I'm told that I should eat something because it will help me lose weight, I'm pretty turned off. (However, I love bananas enough that I will ignore the sticker and continue my satisfying relationship with this delicious fruit...)

When I got home, I decided to pay a visit to the banana diet website. Here's what I read:

The original Morning Banana Diet was created by an Osaka pharmacist to help her husband lose weight. By following the simple plan, he dropped 38 pounds. Word spread like wildfire and soon stores across Japan couldn’t keep bananas on the shelves.

Now, Americans are joining the bandwagon, losing weight and enjoying the benefits of increased fruit consumption.

As a leader in nutrition education, DOLE wanted to create a healthier banana diet that substitutes well-balanced meals and nutritious recipes for the “all you can eat” approach.

Explore the Recipes section for two weeks of healthy and low-calorie recipes for the Dole Banana Diet!

Next, I clicked on their two week diet menus. So, here's the magic bullet: Start every morning with two Dole bananas (do they have to be Dole or will Chiquita work as well?) The rest of the day involves lots more varieties of Dole fruits (Dole fruit cups, Dole raisins) snacks that consist of Dole red peppers and Dole broccoli (do I detect a pattern here?) and some small amounts of protein. No fat anywhere in sight. A total of about 1,200 calories per day if you follow their menus. How do you spell H.U.N.G.R.Y.?!!!

Dole is not alone in using the marketing tactic of promising weight loss to sell their product. While I was thinking about writing this blog, a Special K commercial appeared on TV with the tagline: Lose up to 6 pounds in 12 weeks. V8 Juice asked: What's your number? The Dairy Council recommended: Drink more milk to lose weight. And multigrain Cheerios suggested: More grains. Less you.

Have we gone bananas? How is it that every food is now part of the latest diet plan? Actually, the answer is quite simple. If you restrict calories - and all of these advertisements have the caveat that you must combine their product with a low calorie diet and exercise to get results - you will lose weight. Of course they forget to tell you that you will feel deprived, your metabolism will slow way down, and ultimately you will gain back the weight and then some - but that wouldn't help their sales. And I guess some of us just want to believe.

Here is the most outrageous diet promise of the season: Taco Bell now has a spokesperson. If you haven't heard about her yet, Christine lost 54 pounds by eating the "Fresco" items offered at Taco Bell. In their marketing campaign, they refer to this as the Drive-Thru Diet. Before you swallow the whole enchilada, keep in mind that she was limited to 1250 calories a day (about the same as the banana diet). And they are clear that results aren't typical. Did you see that? Results aren't typical!

The truth is that any food could claim to be part of a diet for weight loss. How about:

Chocolate: For a richer, sweeter, thinner you

Potato chips: Enjoy the crunch. Chip off the pounds

Ice Cream: The latest scoop: one bowl a day - and two on sundae - melts the weight away

Just focus on that food, keep your calories under 1250, increase your exercise and voila - another diet plan doomed for failure.

So what is a diet survivor to do? In my last blog entry I talked about avoiding the magazines that sell diet and weight loss messages. But I'm not prepared to avoid all of the foods that are now promoting themselves as weight loss aids. I like milk. I even like Taco Bell. And I love bananas!

Instead, I'll do what I've always done: pay attention to the way a food tastes and how it feels in my body. I'll eat the foods I enjoy and stay away from the ones I don't. I'll remember that no single food is magic, and that variety is the spice of life! And when those weight loss labels are staring me in the face, I'll remind myself that choosing bananas has absolutely nothing to do with my body size, and appreciate the flavor and nutrients they provide.

In fact, I'm going to replace that weight loss mentality with the adorable image I have from my childhood of the banana dancing away as it sang a song - now that's the type of creative marketing we could use a little more of!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

MAGAZINE MADNESS

I was at the airport yesterday, waiting for my flight back to Chicago, and thought I'd pass some time at the newsstand. I expected that with the New Year just around the corner, the women's magazines would be full of diet and weight loss tips - and I have to tell you that I was not disappointed.

I remember when The Diet Survivor's Handbook was first released, and our publicist at Sourcebooks told us that every January, the magazines have the same theme: "A New Year - A New You." Wow...a new me every 12 months? That feels like a lot of pressure!

I borrowed a pad of paper from my son, and started jotting down all of the brilliant ideas to help us lose weight - since apparently the ones they offered last year didn't work out so well for their readers. I offer them here to you, with the following suggestions:

• First, take a deep breath. And now another one.

• Remember that if any of them really worked, they wouldn't need to keep coming up with more.

• Finally, a little humor always helps. With that in mind, I thought I'd make an attempt at rewriting some of my "favorites."

Self Magazine:

The Food Lover's Diet - 31 Tiny Tricks That Peel Off Major Pounds

My Edit:

The Food Lover's Diet - Eat What You Love and Savor Every Bite

Allure

The Easiest Diet Ever: Drop 600 Calories A Day Without Feeling Hungry

My Edit:

The Easiest Diet Ever: Eat When You Are Hungry And You'll Never Feel Hungry (duh!)

Shape:

How We Lost 477 Pounds Together: 6 Women Share The Diet Secrets That Worked For Them

My Edit:

How We Raised Our Consciousness Together : 6 Women Share Their Wisdom And Empower Each Other

Fitness

Your Best Body Ever

My Edit:

Your Body Is The Best Body Ever

O Magazine

How To Get What You Really Want This Year: Weight Loss That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secrets For Keeping The Pounds Off

My Edit:

Keep Working Toward Getting What You Really Want This Year: Body Satisfaction That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secret Is That There Is No Secret For Keeping The Pounds Off.

Seventeen

Total Body Confidence - Great Abs, Butt & Legs By New Year's

My Edit: (I got kind of hopeful with the first part...)

Total Body Confidence - Enjoy Your Body In Its Fullness All Year Long

Us

The Biggest Loser - How I Did It!

My Edit:

The Biggest Winner - How I Did It! Tips To Love, Respect, And Honor Yourself

Woman's World:

Break Through Ohio State University BELLY FAT CURE! Discovery - Two Spoonfuls Of This Oil Will Block Fat Storage! Melt 5" Of Belly Fat - No Diet Required!

My Edit:

Woman's World Announces Bankruptcy As Readers Boycott Magazine Due To Outrageous Claims!

Imagine what it would be like to stand in the grocery line, and see magazine articles that actually support and nurture the well-being of women. Would they sell?

I know that as long as women buy what they're writing, they'll keep on writing it...and then women will keep feeling "not good enough"...prompting the need for more "A New Year - A New You" articles. A most unfortunate vicious cycle.

If this "magazine madness" brings you down, avoid them at all costs! Or at least take a shot at turning their negative messages into positive ones - I had fun giving it a try and just may make it an annual event.

As 2009 comes to a close, may you find peace and fulfillment in who you are now and in your journey to live with a full heart, mind and spirit.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

There are times in our lives when skillful living depends on knowing, truly knowing, what time it is. I have a friend named Jim. Jim is a successful businessman who retired early and divides his time with his wife living in Colorado and New York. I have never spent time with Jim in either of those places. In fact, I’ve never spent time with Jim in the Unites States. Jim and I met through spiritual study/hiking trips led by a rabbi with whom we both study. Over the course of an eight-year span, Jim and I joined trips that took us hiking and studying in the Swiss Alps, the Italian Dolomite's and Andalusia, Spain.

Many times, on our hikes, Jim and I would talk about writing a book together about how the wise words hikers say about trekking were really words for living. For example, we’d hear a fellow hiker say, “Sometimes you have to look up and assess if you are on the right path.” Or, “My goal was to get to the summit, but now I realize that the beauty was in each step.” And, “The unexpected views as your travel along take your breath away, but you have to remember to stop and look up.” We never did write that book, but we had great fun with these pearls of wisdom and we shared wonderful times of abundance together: in spirit, laughter, meals and community.

Two months ago, the rabbi told me that Jim was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I hadn’t talked to him since we were together in Spain, three years ago. The rabbi told me that he wants to hear from the people in his life. “Send him an email,” he advised.

I had planned to.

Later that week, I searched through my email contact list, and realized that I didn’t have his email. I made a mental note to ask a mutual friend, or the rabbi, for his email address.

I didn’t follow through.

I thought about Jim, he was on my mind and in my heart, but I didn’t send that email.

“I have time,” I thought. I’ll do it soon…

After the problems left on my doorstep were solved, the errands were run, when life slows down…

I didn’t know what time it was.

How many of us put off what needs to be attended to now…in this moment. I think we see it all the time:

“I’ll take the dance class I’ve always wanted to take when I lose weight…”
“When I’m thin, I’ll let myself become involved in a relationship…”
“When my daughter gets into preschool, I’ll sign up for that painting class…”
“When my son gets into college, I’ll start my novel…”
“I’ll start living the life I truly want next month, next season, next year…”

Skillful living means being mindful of what time it is in our lives, and then acting from a place of wisdom. Sometimes you get a second chance, sometimes you don’t.

Jim died yesterday morning, before I sent him that email.

I missed what time it was.

If you look at the universe, we are a second, a split second. But our lives are part of that universe, and that second holds everything. If we understand that second, if we understand how important it is to pay attention to the present, to see clearly, we will understand what time it is in our lives, and we will act.

In the physical sense, attuned eating allows you to feed yourself in a consistent and loving manner. In a spiritual sense, attuned living allows you to pay attention to the world around you and to respond in a way that is life affirming and sustaining.

We don’t do it perfectly. Sometimes we miss the cues, or we’re off the mark in our response. Those are the times we need to be open to and learn from.

I wish I responded differently. I wish I knew what time it truly was…time to stop, and to be present with Jim in his dying. Now, it is time to remember Jim and to honor him by working toward living more in the present, living a life more in attunement.

We are all on a hike; our lives are a journey. May this New Year bring us the wisdom to live life fully, to be present to what is right in front of us, and to act from a place of both wisdom and compassion…by knowing, truly knowing, what time it is.”

Namaste,
Ellen

POST-THANKSGIVING

I took my son to a doctor's appointment this morning, and as we were waiting for his turn, another patient's mother asked a staff member is she had a nice Thanksgiving. "Yes," she replied, "I spent it with my family who was in from out of town. How was your Thanksgiving?" Without hesitating, the mom answered, "It was too fattening." She went on to express her guilt at eating so many rich foods, and the conversation about overeating and weight continued from there, a lament we're all familiar with.

I couldn't help but think how sad that was - to focus on the calories of the meal rather than the joy of the season. Whether you're with family, friends, or even by yourself, it seems to me that Thanksgiving gives us the opportunity to connect with others, express or feel gratitude for what we do have, spend a day relaxing without having to go to work (for many of us), and to take joy in the abundance of delicious food that is often present at gatherings.

This year, I had Thanksgiving at my house and took great pleasure in preparing the meal: turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, carrots, broccoli casserole, salad, cranberry sauce and four different types of pies. Ellen and her family were in town for the occasion, and as we were cleaning up after our feast, I commented to Ellen that I had clearly bought too much food, and now there were tons of leftovers.

Ellen responded, "That's what we get for raising attuned eaters!"

She's right about that. Our children eat exactly what they are hungry for - no more and no less. No complaints about being too full - just comments like "I might have some more of that pie later."

But the truth is that even attuned eaters eat more than they need sometimes - and Thanksgiving may be one of those times. So what? It's just food. You get too full, realize you're uncomfortable, and eventually stop. The issue isn't so much about whether you overeat, but how you respond. If you're staying connected to yourself, you gently remind yourself that it doesn't feel so great to eat too much, and then wait for your next cue of hunger to eat again. But if you're still caught in the diet/binge cycle, you either continue to overeat since you've "blown it" anyway, or you go into a restrictive mode that you cannot sustain. And sadly, you focus on you eating and weight as the way to assess the quality of your holiday.

I'm grateful to have experienced a lovely and satisfying Thanksgiving last week. And all of those leftovers that I was complaining to Ellen about have made for some delicious lunches and snacks. In fact, a slice of that leftover pumpkin pie is sounding pretty yummy right now!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

ON INSPIRATION, SHAME, AND SPEAKING OUT

I was chatting with my physical therapist, Sarah, a couple of days ago as she was working out a sore spot on my hip that's developed from a muscle imbalance. I had just returned from the Renfrew conference where Ellen and I presented a workshop based on The Diet Survivor's Handbook, and I was explaining my work to her.

Sarah is a kind and open person who understands that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes. Yet as she told me a story about a friend of hers, I could feel my body begin to tense up.

She talked about a friend who was "overweight" when he went to college, where he proceeded to gain even more weight. Eventually (I can't remember the trigger, but in the end, it doesn't really matter...) he decided that he needed to do something about his size. So, he began to exercise for the first time, stopped drinking massive amounts of beer and soda, and quit eating pizzas late at night. He lost weight and, seven years later, continues to feel great.

When I hear a story like that, I think about the weight loss as a side effect of new behaviors. Never exercised before? Lots of ignoring physical cues for hunger and satiation? Change these factors and your body may change in response to your new lifestyle. I was prepared to be pleased for him.

But then the story went on. He was so thrilled by what happened to him, he decided to become a personal trainer so that his story could inspire others. My relaxed hip now became tense. I reminded Sarah that only 2 - 5% of people who lose weight can keep it off - about 98% gain it back. So, lucky him - he gets to have the body type that our culture values. When I asked Sarah more about his history, she told me - as I expected - that he never had dieted before. If anyone is likely to keep the weight off, it's a male who has never dieted before...

Now I think about the people who come to him for personal training. He may be wonderful at teaching people how to use their bodies for fitness, strength and flexibility. But in my experience, many people who go to personal trainers want to lose weight, and their trainers are often ready to give advice. I couldn't help imagining his inspiring, supportive words like, "If I can do it, you can do it too." And then I couldn't help imagining the shame someone would feel once again as she tries to do what she's supposed to, but doesn't lose weight. She may be more fit, stronger and more flexible, but if the focus is on weight loss, does that count for her? For her trainer? For the culture at large? Or does she experience shame - that is so insidious - and consider herself a failure?

Last week, a woman that I've worked with sent me a beautiful letter she wrote to the person in charge of fitness at the facility where she exercises. I recognize that many fitness and other health professionals honestly believe that they are inspiring others with stories of "success" and don't understand how their words and actions create shame for their clients. With her permission, I am printing it here (using an initial instead of real names) - it speaks loudly and clearly for itself and shows the power of speaking out:

Dear J:
I'm F's trainee; you see me regularly at the JCC. I'm a fat person who is using movement in order to become fit, not in order to become thin. I want to be able to walk far, have good circulation, a lot of energy and good health overall. I am usually at the end of my day when I see you and don't have energy for anything other than working out with F.

What I want to do is open a discussion with you about the weight loss program you are involved with at the JCC which is named after or references tv's The Biggest Loser. Research has shown that a program focused on dieting with weight loss as a goal is unhealthy and does not work. F told me that you're very open to new information and I'd like to send you some information about the effects of dieting, about the Health At Every Size premise, and also to let you know that when I see that "success" board upon entering the gym, showing who is "winning" at losing weight fast, that it makes me feel terrible and NOT want to be in the gym.

I would like you to read a book by Linda Bacon called Health At Every Size: The Truth About Your Weight. If your office doesn't have a budget for it, I will lend you my copy. It is here, on Amazon: http://bit.ly/2AygHr
and information on it is here at Linda Bacon's website: http://www.lindabacon.org/HAESbook/

Linda Bacon's site is here:
http://www.haescommunity.org/

Another view of movement, health, and the myth of dieting is here:
http://www.thebodypositive.org/

I'm also attaching a piece on healthy living at any size.

I realize that the idea behind The Biggest Loser is a very popular one and that certainly you are satisfying the requests of a number of your clients by initiating and providing this contest. I propose that it is irresponsible to promote this perspective of eating and exercising. I will come say hello soon when I'm in the gym and to answer any questions you may have regarding my ideas on this topic. I truly do not mean to be stealthy or be on the attack by emailing you: I am drained when at the gym and talking about this is hard.

On Thursday as I was leaving the gym, a child of about 6 years old poked his friend and pointed at me, laughing. The idea that all people are different sizes and have different health spectra, and that there is no perfect weight is one that should be promoted to all of the JCC's members and especially children. It is too easy to demonize fat and fat people and suggest that there is one answer. My own general doctor told me on Friday that she sees a lot of fat people and a lot of thin people in her practice and that overall, the fat ones have better health. No child should be encouraged to treat fat people this way and besides my own issues (that allow me to feel hurt when a small child makes fun of me) I think contests like this support the belief that the only way is the thin way.

Please reconsider your programming choices in favor of your clientele's health rather than their investment in America's delusion that weight loss rather than fitness is a superior goal and that becoming thinner is the answer to everything. This is a myth and is an unhealthy mode of operation.

I would love to help in any way that I can. I'd love to see a Health At Every Size discussion group at the JCC. It is hard for fat people to believe that they (we) are allowed to be in the world and that health and fitness are reachable goals regardless of BMI or waistline, etc. There is no SUPPORT for us that shores up the ideas of movement, feeling good, and listening to our bodies when it comes to nourishment. There is only shame and the push toward weight loss as a "solution".

Thank you for reading this and I will see you soon. Please feel very free to show this email to anyone and everyone. I feel strongly about this issue and want to make change so that all fat people are respected and so that fitness, rather than dieting and weight loss, becomes the focus of every athletic facility. One of the reasons I signed up for the JCC, a significant expense for me, was that I met F, a trainer who is NOT pushing diet as a focus and because I felt that the environment would be more comfortable for me because there are all kinds of people who use the gym; all levels of physical strength, all races, all ages, people in wheelchairs, fat people and thin people. The sign facing me when I enter now does not agree with the vision I had of the JCC when I first started there.

All my best,

R

Here is the response she received:

Hi R,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I will truly take all of this to heart and would love a time to chat with you. I am very open about things, am always willing to listen, learn etc.

In the meanwhile, please accept my dearest apologies for any hurt, pain, etc. that our Biggest Melt Down results board has caused you – that was never my intent but honestly a perspective I hadn’t thought of or was openly expressed, up until now! I will work on finding a more appropriate way to display results and try to please everyone (you, the team, their trainers – perhaps something else we can discuss).

I will take a look at the resources you listed – thank you for the suggestions.

Take care,

J.

Now that's what I call inspiration!

If you have your own stories of speaking out (or not speaking out) please leave a comment.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith