You Have Got to be Kidding!

Years ago, I remember visiting my dear friend in the hospital hours after she had given birth to a healthy baby girl. Holding her infant daughter, who was swaddled in a hospital blanket decorated with pastel colored teddy bears, my friend was beaming.

"She's beautiful," I said.

My friend smiled and responded, "I know. She only weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces, and I'm hoping from day one, she'll always be petite and thin."

All I could think about was this poor little baby, only hours old, and already her mother was preoccupied with her weight and her wish for her daughter be be thin. While I was appalled, apparently the insurance companies approve of this sentiment. This was what I read about today:

A Colorado health insurance company denied 4 month old Alex Lange coverage claiming he has a pre-existing condition - obesity - which makes him a financial risk. Alex weighs 17 pounds and is breastfed. After gaining national attention, The Rocky Mountain Health Plan said this past Monday that it will reverse it's decision for babies who are "healthy but fat."

Alex's mother, Kelli Lange, said that her baby has had nothing but breat milk and that the brief insurance rejection didn't change how she fed him. She stated, "I'm not going to withhold food to get him down to below that number of 95 {the 95% on the bell shaped curve}. Good for her. Although I do worry a bit when Alex's parents joked that, "when he is ready for solid food, they will start him on slim-Fast."

I remember being in a play group way back when. There was a woman who was a nurse and the mother of 6 month old Kyle. Kyle had a healthy appetite and was exclusively bottlefed. Kyle was a big, happy, health baby until his pediatrician and mother became concerned about his weight. They decided that Kyle's intake must be reduced. They cut out a predetermined number of ounces, reducing the number of bottles he was allowed each day. From that point on, when we met for our weekly playgroup, I came equipped with a bottle of Excedrin. Kyle would scream, cry and howl. The once happy baby became miserable when he was up, and would no longer go down for his nap. He just cried and cried. Kyle was hungry, and his mother refused to feed him, "for his own good." His mother, I should add, was a chronic dieter who, I have to say, was a bit on the moody side herself.

We need health care reform, and major changes in the health insurance industry, for sure. The Alex Lange case is outrageous. But we also need some intensive care as a culture. The hope for a lower weight infant daughter to stay petite and thin? The withholding of sustenance from a happy, thriving 6 month old because he's deemed "too fat?" No wonder there is such body shame in our culture, and so many people engaged in an unhealthy relationship with food, their bodies and themselves. I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, that babies, before the interference begins, can model for those of us who forget:

"When hungry eat your rice, when tired close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean." -Lin-Chi

Namaste,
Ellen

OPEN HOUSE: TAKE TWO

In September, Judith blogged about her experience at her son's open house. She was pleasantly surprised by the physical education teacher who talked about his emphasis on celebrating body size diversity, and his intolerance of students making negative comments about weight. Voicing how impressed she was by the physical education teacher, and how rare and needed his perspective was, her husband had wondered aloud if there weren't a lot of teachers out there promoting the idea that people come in different shapes and sizes.

I thought I'd tell you about my experience at my son's high school open house this past week. My son is a senior, and after sitting in with his teachers in classes like AP Calculus, Statistics and Robotics, I was looking forward to meeting with his gym class where I figured my heart wouldn't race so much, being that I'm a bit math and science phobic.

Minutes into the physical education teacher's presentation, my heart was racing and my pulse quickening much more intensely than talk about Chi Squares and derivatives. He talked about the activities they would be focusing on throughout the year, and the importance of instilling in the students the need for both physical activity and nutrition...wait for it...to make sure they don't become victim to the "Freshman 15" at college, that they stay thin, and that they fear gaining any weight because obesity is the leading cause of death in this country.

Now, I'm all for good nutrition and physical activity for the sake of health and a positive sense of well-being, enjoyment and pleasure. But this came from a place of fearing fat, and the inaccurate notion that obesity is the biggest killer in the country. I wanted to gather up all of the research and introduce the physical education teacher to the statistics teacher so that the gym teacher could see that he was spreading inaccurate research and faulty conclusions.

I don't think my sister, Judith, and I engage in too much sibling rivalry, but boy, did I envy her son and his physical education teacher!

As the gym teacher was concluding his short talk, he announced that we should support the student council by visiting the the bake sale in the cafeteria and purchasing some baked goods. Walking out, a parent said to me, "I'm upset by that talk." As I was about to launch in with my thoughts and join him in his concern, he continued, "He was right about kids needing to lose weight and stay thin, but then he blows it by telling us to buy something at the bake sale. That's not going to help our children lose weight."

I thought of launching into obesity and diet myths, sitting this man and the physical education teacher down and talking with them about HAES and about attuned eating. But honestly, that night I just didn't have the energy. Instead, I thought about how much my son loves chocolate covered strawberries, which they had at the bake sale, and I bought him some instead. That act itself slowed my pounding heart. Coming home that night, my son happily biting into a chocolate covered strawberry, I told him about the open house, about what it was like meeeting his teachers, sitting in his classrooms. When I started to tell him about the physical education teacher he said, "Oh, I meant to warn you about that. The whole Freshman 15, huh?" I shook my head yes. "Maybe I should give him your book," he said. When I smiled at him he said, "Are you hungry for something sweet? Do you want a strawberry?" And I smiled at him and took a big, juicy bite!

Namaste,
Ellen

Chocolate

We were having a "delicious" conversation the other day on a list serve that I belong to. One member explained that she struggled with overeating when she was younger, but is now an attuned/intuitive eater. She has always had a "sweet tooth" and continues to crave chocolate almost everyday - she becomes crabby if she wants it, but it's not available. Yet when she eats chocolate, she feels completely satisfied - sometimes after a few bites, sometimes after more -and doesn't feels uncomfortably full or that she is overeating/bingeing. She wondered if because of her need for chocolate every day, and sometimes more than once a day, people might consider her to be addicted to chocolate.

Here was my response:

"The beauty of intuitive/attuned eating is that everyone gets to decide what types of foods are right for them. So, you are someone who needs chocolate every day - enjoy! As you said, you feel good after you eat it and stop when you've had enough - you sound very in tune with yourself. In my work with clients, I rarely share the types of food that I eat because I don't want someone to ever think that there is a "right" way to feed oneself. But the one thing I do find myself offering from time to time is that I eat chocolate every day (and often I'm in the mood for sweets more than once a day...). I want to normalize that because it's still so much of the diet mentality that has seeped into our culture to think that somehow you shouldn't have sweets every day.

As for the thought that maybe a craving for sweet is a need for fruit (mentioned by another list serve member) chocolate and apples feel really different in your body. Sometimes I want chocolate and sometimes I want an apple, and I'd be as off eating an apple when I crave chocolate as I would eating chocolate when I crave an apple. Again, listening and taking out the judgement are key."

Our list serve discussion got me thinking more about chocolate. I had just finished a novel in which one of the characters, a precocious 12 year old girl, briefly contemplates her love of chocolate:

"This afternoon, after school, there was no one at home. I took some hazelnut chocolate from the kitchen and went to eat it in the living room. I was comfortably settled on the sofa, nibbling on my chocolate and ruminating on my next profound thought. I was thinking it would be a profound thought about chocolate or the way you nibble it, in particular, with a central question: what is it that is so good about chocolate? The substance itself, or the technique of chewing it?"

Just what is so good about chocolate? I'm at a loss of words myself to describe what makes it so wonderful. But I do know that it appeals to a lot of us, especially women. In fact, nutritionist Debra Waterhouse has an entire book devoted to this topic called Why Women Need Chocolate. When Ellen and I wrote Beyond a Shadow of a Diet, our book for mental health professionals, we included the following:

"Debra Waterhouse emphasizes that female food cravings are a 'normal, biological need for a specific food that will balance a woman's body and mind and revitalize her well-being.' She explains the brain chemistry of food cravings, noting that sugar and fat from chocolate boost serotonin and endorphin levels, resulting in positive mood and renewed energy. 'No study has ever found that women frequently crave tofu, Spam, or nonfat cottage cheese, and no study has ever found that men frequently crave chocolate...Only women crave these foods consistently.' "

Many years ago I had a booth at a health fair. A woman looked over my materials and said, "No, I don't have a problem with food. Except that I like to eat some chocolate every day" I explained to her that eating chocolate was natural and fine, and she replied, "You mean I can stop feeling guilty?" "Absolutely," I told her. What a shame that she had to feel that eating chocolate was "sinful" in the first place, but how nice that she seemed willing to let that belief go.

So back to my own chocolate cravings! While some women notice an increase in their desire for chocolate prior to menstruation, I like to eat chocolate all month long. When I eat chocolate it's because in addition to the way it tastes, it gives me just the right feeling physically in my body. Sometimes I prefer it with a glass of milk, sometimes I prefer it by itself. But I always make sure I have some with me wherever I go - to work, on vacation, at a conference.

I was in Costa Rica a couple of years ago, and, thankfully, had brought some chocolate with me. A woman on the trip was celebrating her birthday and said the only thing missing was some chocolate; she liked to have some every day, and couldn't find any at the hotel. I told her that I had chocolate in my room and would be happy to share some with her. Her face lit up - and I was glad to give her this small gift. Yes, you can always rely on me to have chocolate on hand!

So am I "addicted" to chocolate? I also happen to eat a banana every day, but I've never heard of anyone talking about an addiction to bananas! Like my list serve colleague, I eat chocolate in a way that's a perfect match for me.

And I don't need advertisements to tell me things like: My Moment - My Dove. I'll eat my Dove chocolates whenever I'm hungry for them, but not as a way to take time for myself - as women, we need to take time for ourselves when we need it, without feeling that we need to use food as an excuse to slow down. Yet the act of relishing my chocolate - or whatever food I'm hungry for at a particular time - does make for a satisfying moment.

If you're a chocolate lover, enjoy your cravings and the satisfaction that comes from this amazing substance. And if you have a way to describe just what it is about chocolate that tastes so good, please feel free to give it a try!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

Open House

Last week I attended Parent's Night at my son's high school. I always look forward to getting a firsthand view of my children's teachers so that I can have a better sense of what their life is like during all those hours they spend away from home. While gym class isn't high on my priority list of exciting presentations, I was looking forward to seeing Mr. P. who I've known from previous years.

I entered the big gym and chatted with some of the parents that I knew. Mr. P. started the typical shpiel about what types of activities the students would do throughout the year, the importance of attendance, and what it's like to work with Freshman boys. That's when my ears perked up.

After telling us that he comes off as a tough guy in the beginning - even though he's actually a pretty low-key kind of guy - he offered his philosophy for making physical education a positive experience for everyone.

He told the parents that he will absolutely not tolerate any negative comments about weight. He stated that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes, and that by the time the swimming unit comes around next spring he wants everybody - yes, he meant Every Body - to feel comfortable and have fun. By letting the boys know his expectations from the outset, he believes he can encourage a safe environment for each and every student.

Wow! Did I hear that correctly? I have to admit that when I attend PE, Consumer Ed, and Health classes at various open houses, I usually brace myself for some comments about staying fit to prevent obesity or eating healthy foods to prevent obesity. (I'm all for fitness and understanding nutrition - but I want it to come from a positive place that promotes wellness for all children, rather than from a fear of getting fat that stigmatizes larger students.) I'm generally pleased when no comments are made about body size, but to hear a message to the kids and parents that supports size diversity is downright inspirational!

And it got me thinking. Can you imagine if every single teacher had a "no tolerance policy" regarding bullying, teasing and making negative comments about weight? What if they took that next step and regularly referred to the wonderful variations among all human beings, including body shape and size? Wouldn't that promote self- esteem for all students and help all of our children grow into more compassionate adults?

Here's my next question: How did Mr. P. become so enlightened? After the presentation, in the brief moment I had to greet him, I thanked him for his words and told him how wonderful I thought it was that he teaches his students about size diversity. He seemed pleased to hear my compliment; I couldn't tell if he realized that what he is saying is quite different from the usual messages that are given both overtly and covertly to students about body size.

Or so I think. After we left the open house, I told my husband how impressed I was by Mr. P., and how rare it is to hear a teacher promote the idea that people come in different shapes in sizes.

My husband's response was, "How do you know that? How do you know there aren't a lot of teachers out there who have a size positive attitude?"

Well, there was the Report on Size Discrimination put out by the National Educational Association in 1993, which concluded that within school systems, large students experienced "ongoing prejudice, unnoticed discrimination and almost constant harassment," while teachers experienced "socially acceptable yet outrageous insensitivity and rudeness" regarding their own weight.

But that was in 1993 so perhaps things have improved since then. Yet in my work with clients, at workshops and conferences, and among my colleagues dedicated to Health At Every Size, I've hear innumerable stories of harassment at the hands of gym teachers because of weight, leaving these former students feeling shamed, embarrassed and humiliated. At the same time, I know that there have been some wonderful curricula developed in recent years to teach body-esteem to students - and teachers - that may changing attitudes toward fat and tolerance of negative comments about body size.

So here's my question for you: Is Mr. P. one in a million? Or is he part of a new trend? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times...

People will sometimes ask me if I think things are getting better or worse when it comes to pressures to be thin and attitudes toward dieting. I always hesitate a moment before answering because the truth of the matter is: both! My emotional state during the day can easily switch from exasperation and rage at news stories or policies related to the "war on obesity," to hope and inspiration when I see the latest article or action by those committed to creating a world where people can take pleasure in their bodies and honor their hunger.

The worst of the worst occurred over the summer when the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) released their Lean Works web site, which included a cost-calculator so that employers can figure out how much their fat employees cost them each year. Talk about institutionalizing size discrimination. Then there was the debate over Dr. Regina Benjamin, President Obama's pick to be the Surgeon General. No one questioned her brilliance, compassion and capabilities...but sadly, many did question whether she's just too fat for the job.

Story after story reports how being "overweight" is the equivalent of a death sentence - even when there is mounting research that says the opposite. Over this past summer, two long-term studies - one from Canada and one from Japan - were released that found people in the "overweight" category of BMI actually live longer than those in the "normal" range. I heard a doctor on CNN discussing these findings who said something along the lines of "Yes, that's what they found, but you should still lose weight." I wish I could say I was shocked, but that's the mindset of most people....including health professionals.

Despite the increased attempts at the "war on obesity" I remain encouraged and inspired by what Dr. Linda Bacon refers to as the "new peace movement." The framework of Health At Every Size, which focuses on wellness rather than weight, is getting more and more attention in mainstream news sources such as The Washington Post and The New York Times. There was a fabulous article published by Newsweek online yesterday entitled, Who says americans are too fat? Overselling the obesity epidemic isn't getting us anywhere. You can be big and healthy at the same time. You can read it at file: Fat and Healthy: Why It's Possible | Newsweek Health | Newsweek.com

The Health At Every Size movement is organized and strong! During the recent Association for Size Diversity and Health conference in Washington, D.C., participants received training in how to meet with their legislators, and then went to Capitol Hill to speak directly with their representatives. Although I was sorry not to be able to attend these visits, I understand that people were well-received and able to give factual information on the relationship between weight and health that will hopefully have a positive effect on future health policies.

I am thrilled that there are more and more resources that promote body acceptance, and that they are making their way into the culture, giving people a positive framework to think about how to best care for themselves. During my group this week, I showed a wonderful DVD called Finding Your Healthy Weight, created by The Body Positive. Medical experts and researchers offer compelling information to validate Health At Every Size as the best alternative to dieting, and real women who have struggled with eating and body hatred tell their stories of learning to eat from hunger, move their bodies in way that feel great, and discover self-love.

Perhaps that's where my greatest hope lies. People who practice Health At Every Size are in more and more places: teaching college courses, offering community programs, working in government positions and providing services to people who are ready to quit dieting and live more fully in the world. As we get our message out there, we are slowly but surely changing the world.

In fact, there's a revolution going on, and each of us has a part to play. Whether we write a letter, refuse to go on a diet, tell someone else about Health At Every Size or choose to feel more comfortable in our own bodies, each and every action will reverberate in our communities.

In keeping with my Tale of Two Cities theme (part of the fun of writing a blog!), I would have to conclude that "Off with their heads" is on the way out. Pictures of headless fat people in news stories - as if they are merely objects - are being replaced by large people out in the world and enjoying life. And of course, what could be more apropos to support the movement toward attuned/intuitive eating than the famous line, "Let them eat cake!" I would like to modify that to say, "Let us all eat cake - when that is what we are hungry for." And let us also eat anything else we darn well please!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

American Idol Kelly Clarkson Rocks!

Each morning, armed with a cup of hazelnut coffee, I head to my computer and read over the CNN headlines on my homepage. Probably, from a spiritual point of view, my morning cup of coffee should be a cup of herbal tea, and I should be sitting down to meditate, or taking an early contemplative walk instead of filling my head - so early in the day - with so much bad news: bombs, typhoons, deadly prescriptions for Michael Jackson, the unsolved health crisis and the dire predictions about the "obesity epidemic," house foreclosures.

But this morning, ah, this morning. I sat down to my computer and what did CNN offer me? A headline from People.com that read Kelly Clarkson Slams Weight Critics." I can't remember if I voted for Clarkson all those years back on the first American Idol, but she sure has my vote and support now.

Over the past few months, as bloggers have been bashing Kelly about her weight, she has stepped up to the microphone and her voice - her wonderful voice - has spoken loud and clear striking the perfect tone, that resounding chord, that has those of us diet survivors clapping and thinking Encore! Here's a few choice "lyrics" that Kelly has sung out:

"Of course celebrities have cellulite."

"When people talk about my weight, I'm like 'You seem to have a problem with it. I don't; I'm fine."

"My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more."

About food she explains that she still eats chicken-fried steak, but also had days when she prefers salads.

She refuses to diet saying, "For me, it's the times when I'm not paying attention that I end up losing weight. But I'm never trying to lose weight - or gain it. I'm just being."

Okay, so this morning my coffee isn't Zen tea, and I'm making an internet connection instead of connecting to my inner soul. Still, reading about the enlightened spirit of Kelly Clarkson is damn close to nirvana!

Namaste,
Ellen

"No Wonder You Look Like That!"

A couple of nights ago, a group of us sat together at Dairy Queen to enjoy some soft serve ice cream on a hot summer night. An old family friend happened to pass by and stopped to say hello. As she noticed that my daughter wasn't eating any ice cream, she was quick to comment, "No wonder you look like that!"

These kind of moments always fill me with tension. Do I explain to her that she happened to catch my daughter at a moment when she wasn't hungry, so she didn't order the ice cream? Do I inform her that on another evening she may have found her enjoying a hot fudge sundae? Do I lecture her on the intrusiveness of comments that focus on body size and make assumptions about another person's relationship with food? Or do I ignore her words, and move on to the next topic?

My daughter solved these particular dilemmas for me when she jumped in and explained, "One of the parents at our camp brought in donuts today. They were delicious, but now I'm just not hungry for ice cream." Ahhh...the joys of raising an attuned/intuitive eater!

This experience reminded me of a time when I worked in an office where cakes were brought in routinely to celebrate each other's birthdays. I remember that if I wasn't hungry and passed on the cake, invariably someone would say, "No wonder you look like that." But the interesting thing was that when I was hungry and had a piece of cake, the response was, "You are so lucky - you can eat anything you want!"

The assumptions people make about our eating - whether we are fat, thin, and anywhere in between - have much more to do with their projections than with our relationship to food. In fact, there is yet to be a scientific study validating that fat people eat more than thin people. I think that for all of us, it's worth reflecting on any assumptions we make that are connected to body weight, when we observe others eating. At the same time, it is so important to remember that when someone comments on our weight and/or our relationship with food, it says a lot more about them than it does about us.

This family friend has always been obsessed with her size. I have no way of knowing what she was thinking about or feeling when she noticed my daughter without any ice cream, but I do know that her interpretation of my daughter's body size - and the fantasy that she must not eat ice cream - had nothing to do with my daughter, and everything to do with her.

I still haven't figured out the best way to respond in these situations. To do nothing seems reinforce or accept a statement that I am uncomfortable with. To have to respond each and every time feels like a burden, and truthfully, I just don't always have the energy to engage in a discussion about the concepts of ending diets, attuned/intuitive eating, and size diversity. So I pick and choose...how about you?

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith