Diet Survivors Group

Magazine Madness: Third Time's A Charm!

2011-12-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

As January rolls around, we've come to expect that women's magazines will present us with their latest and greatest diet and weight tips. Playing on the insecurities of their readers, a brand new year brings promises to fix our bodies once and for all. For the past two years, I've channeled my disgust at these ridiculous headlines into editing them with a good dose of humor. It's become a playful tradition for me, so when I found myself at the drugstore last week, I headed over to the magazine section, pen and paper in hand.

This year’s selection of headlines didn’t disappoint. The usual insidious messages still bombard us with their focus on weight loss. But I did notice there weren’t quite as many as last year – and that there were even some changes for the better. It made me wonder if we're all doing such a good job of calling out the diet industry - or as my colleague Deb Burgard has renamed it, the weight cycling industry - that the outrageous promises for weight lost of past years are less believable or acceptable. So here we go with the good, the bad and the ugly (but not necessarily in that order!)

Fitness:

Drop 10 lbs This Month - Our Simplest Plan To Get The Body You've Always Wanted

My Edit:

Drop 10 lbs This Month: Gain Back Fifteen Pounds Next Month (What's Simple Is The Math...)

Shape:

Blast Fat Fast (in only 10 minutes)

My Edit:

Have A Blast (Slow Down and Enjoy Your Life)

Glamour:

Get To Your Show-Off Weight Fast

My Edit:

You’re At Your Show-Off Weight Now…If You Choose To Show Off!

First (for Women)

Dr. Oz’s Extreme Weight Loss. News! A Fruit Fiber Melts Stubborn Fat & Sweeps Cholesterol Out Of The Body. Merril Lost 196 Pounds.

My Edit:

Dr. Oz’s Weight Loss Advice is Extreme – No News There! Take the focus off of weight, practice healthful behaviors (fiber can have a positive effect on cholesterol). Merril Gained Her Self-Esteem

Self:

(sexier by Saturday) Lose Two Pounds This Week

My Edit:

(sexier by Saturday) Lose Your Inhibitions and Move With Attitude!

Women’s Health:

Fight Fat (And Win!) Melt Pounds And Trim Inches In Minutes A Day

My Edit:

Stop Fighting Fat (We’re all Winners!) Melt Away Your Self- Criticism And Add Compassion For Minutes A Day

Woman’s Day

Look and Feel Your Best: Burn 200 Calories In 10 Minutes; Erase Wrinkles And Dark Circles

My Edit:

Look And Feel Your Best: Stop Worrying About Calories And You’ll Erase The Stress Wherever You Feel It In Your Body

That pretty much covers the bad and the ugly. Now for the good:

Allure:

Mega Makeover Issue: Whoa! Sexy Haircut: And It Works On Every One

My Edit:

Whoa! Sexy Haircut: And It Works On Every One - Way to go, Allure!

And my favorite 2012 headline that moves us away from the shame and blame game:

Good Housekeeping:

(Paula [Dean] Says) My Kitchen Is A MESS Y’All. Not Anymore. See Our Amazing Makeover

If we can talk about making over kitchens - rather than people - we’re going to be okay in 2012!

Wishing you a nourishing and peaceful year, at every shape and size.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

That's What I'm Talking About!

2011-11-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, I was telling my 16 year old son about some of the people I ran into during a brief excursion to the local mall. I added, "I don't think you'll remember this person. He wasn't in your grade." My son responded, "Yes I do. He's chubby and he used to go to our Sunday School."

I was reflecting on our conversation later, and I thought about how easily the word "chubby" rolled off his tongue. There was no hesitancy in using the word, and most importantly, there was nothing pejorative or judgmental in the tone of his voice. "Chubby" was merely an accurate description that let me know he knew exactly who I was talking about.

This interaction made me recall a very different experience I had this past spring when I attended a conference on the topic of eating disorders. After the speaker presented her research, I asked her a question about her methods in assessing the relationship between fat children and emotional problems. A woman sitting at my table - who I did not know - leaned over and admonished me for using the "f" word, shocked that I didn't know it was "politically incorrect" to refer to someone as fat! I tried to explain that I was merely using "fat" as a description and that, in fact, in the circles I travel, the words "overweight" and "obese" are often considered "politically incorrect" because they assume pathology. Just as the phrase "black is beautiful" was a way to reclaim a positive connotation of being black in the 1960's, so too are people in the size acceptance movement reclaiming the word "fat" as a legitimate description of body size - and one that they are entitled to feel pride in.

I'm usually good with words, but whatever I said seemed to make things worse. The moment the conference ended, this same woman came up to me and said, "We need to talk." I braced myself - I don't usually argue with people about this sensitive topic, and I was also anxious to get home. But I felt trapped, and thus the conversation began. She told me that she felt that by using the word "fat," I was intentionally humiliating her. This was quite a jolt to me, since I consider myself to be a person who is extremely conscious of not shaming people about body size. I did my best to be present with her, to listen patiently to her concerns, and to reassure her that my use of the word "fat" came from my own beliefs. I explained my point of view: that people naturally come in all shapes and sizes, and that they deserve to feel good in their bodies whether thin, fat or anywhere in between. This time around, I seemed to get through to her. She visibly relaxed and graciously thanked me for the conversation, saying now she understood where I was coming from.

I suppose it's cliche to say that the next generation is our hope. But I sure like knowing that by modeling an attitude of size acceptance within my own family, my son is able to let the word "chubby" roll off his tongue with no more judgment than saying a person is tall or short, has brown hair, or green eyes. After all, it's only when people choose to view body fat as a negative trait - and associate it with judgmental words like lazy, stupid, or overindulgent - that it takes on a pejorative meaning that's peppered with shame, so that the majority of people in our culture consider it taboo to use. Take away the stereotypes, add in the individuality of each person and the uniqueness of every body, and "fat" simply becomes one more word that helps us communicate with each other. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

MAGAZINE MADNESS - TAKE TWO

2011-01-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

Last year, I had a lot of fun taking all of the January magazine headlines that promise weight loss in the new year, and editing them to add a little humor. After all, this is a particularly trying time for people letting go of the diet mentality and shame about body size. I got lots of great feedback and several suggestions to make this an annual event.

Now that we're a week into January, you've undoubtedly seen the bombardment of tips to create a new and better you in 2011. I also wish you a year that's nourishing and joyful...but living a full and satisfying life just doesn't come from hating your body.

I made my annual trip to the newsstand yesterday. This year, there were a few magazines that seemed to stay away from diet and weight loss tips - could it be that they're finally getting it? But alas, there were still plenty to choose from - I offer them to you with the same suggestions from last year:

First, take a deep breath. And now another one.
Remember that if any of them really worked, they wouldn't need to keep coming up with more.
Finally, a little humor always helps. With that in mind, here is my attempt at rewriting some of my "favorites."

People Magazine:

Half Their Size: How They Did It

My Edit:

Full Of Themselves: What They Did To Promote Compassion In The World

Shape

Drop 10 Pounds by Feb. 1

My Edit:

Drop 10 Pounds by Feb 1: Gain Back 15 Pounds by March 1

Allure:

I Lost 107 Pounds...For Good: One Woman's Diet Victory

My edits:

I Lost 107 Pounds...For Good: One Woman's (And We Mean ONLY One Woman's) Diet Victory (The Other 2, 167, 682 Women Gained It All Back...)

I Lost 107 Pounds...As Of Eight Months After My Diet. Check Back With Me Next Year At This Time

I Lost 107 Pounds...For Good: I Know This Because I'm Psychic And Can Predict The Future

Self:

Lose Weight Without Trying: Your Weight Loss Grocery List (Yep, Chocolate's On It)

My Edit:

Stop Trying To Lose Weight: Develop A Nourishing Grocery List (Yep, Chocolate's On It)

Fitness

Drop 2 Dress Sizes In Just 4 Weeks

My Edit:

Did You Drop 2 Dress Sizes In Just 4 Weeks? You May Have An Eating Disorder

O Magazine:

Weight Loss Made Simple: The Only Tip You'll Ever Need (p. 126)

My Edit: Weight Loss Made Simple: Don't Diet!*

(* I saw this cover online, so for all I know, the tip on p. 126 really is: Don't Diet...)

Marie Claire:

Another Year, Another Diet: How To Really Lose Those Last 5 lbs.

My Edit:

Another Year, Another Diet: Because Your Diet From Last Year Failed You Once Again. How To Make Peace With Food And Your Body

GQ ((yes, men were included too this year...)

A Man's Guide To Dropping The Last (And Hardest) Ten Pounds

My Edit:

That's what she said! Ouch!!!

(for those of you who are fans of The Office)

Glamour (kudos for not suggesting anything weight and diet related, but no harm in making it size friendlier too :)

10 Signs That You're Amazing In Bed

My Edit:

10 Signs That You're Amazing In Bed: At Any Size

Have some New Year's fun too and add your own headlines and edits in the comment section of this entry for all to see. Also, feel free to repost/tweet this link.

Until next year,

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

(And avoid toxic magazine messages)

Judith

GLEE

2010-12-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

First, I have to admit I enjoy watching the TV show Glee, which I guess make me a Gleek! For those of you who are not familiar with this high energy, quirky series, each week brings us a new story of McKinley High School's Glee club, composed of a diverse group students, most of whom are considered to be "unpopular." While the stories are often outrageous, the singing and dancing are quite entertaining. And, to the show's credit, they do a beautiful job of confronting all sorts of identity issues faced by teens including homosexuality, race, ethnicity, disability, gender and even body size.

I've been really impressed by the creative way that the writers of Glee recently dealt with a female character, known as "The Beast." She is the new coach of the high school's football team, a tall, large woman who does not fit our culture's notions of femininity. In an episode that aired earlier this fall, The Beast was the subject of humiliating fantasies by male members of the Glee club who imagined her in compromising positions to quell their own sexual urges toward their girlfriends. When Mr. Schuester, the faculty director of Glee club, known affectionately as Mr. Schu, learned of this strategy, he immediately put a stop to their disrespectful behavior.

The Beast learned of the students' shaming fantasies of her, and in a scene that was both touching and painful, The Beast opened up to Mr. Schu about how aware she is of how her appearance sets her apart, and how rejected and alone she often feels in the world. Mr Schu's response, in the form of accepting her for who she is, offered a poignant moment in the show.

But what was even more poignant was when Mr. Schu insisted that the members of Glee club apologize to her, which they did with great authenticity, ending in a group hug. What I love about this scene is that instead of leaving viewers with the idea that there is something wrong with The Beast - the typical "of course she feels bad in her body because she is fat" - the students take ownership of their unacceptable behavior and acknowledge that they are the ones who were wrong. This forgiving and healing moment leaves no doubt about the new and improved respectful relationship that will now continue between The Beast and members of Glee club.

Fast forward some episodes later, and we find the character of The Beast once again showing her strength. In this wacky Christmas episode, it turns out that Brittany, one of the Glee club members, still believes in Santa, and her peers don't want to bust her magical belief. The Beast arrives at Brittany's home dressed as Santa, and Brittany tells "Santa" that the only thing she wants for Christmas is for her disabled boyfriend, Arnie, to be able to walk again. The Beast tries to get her to come up with another gift idea, but Brittany is adamant that nothing else will do. The Beast then tells Brittany that instead Santa will bring her patience "because, believe it or not, there are some things that even he can't manage." The Beast/Santa continues:

"You know, there was a girl once, she was a little husky always asking Santa for the same thing - to make her more like the other girls. She wasn't asking to be pretty or nothing. She just didn't want to stick out so much. Santa just couldn't do it. So instead, Santa gave her patience. And later on that girl was glad that Santa didn't give her what she asked for. She put being husky to good use."

That The Beast could make peace with her body size is revolutionary for mainstream TV. What a wonderful message about the process of self-acceptance, and just in time for the holiday season. It's satisfying to know that a TV show that confronts all kinds of oppression - and unleashes the joys of singing and dancing - can also be so wildly popular among teens. Which leaves me feeling very hopeful.

Eat Well, Live Well, Be Well.

Judith

BEST

2010-06-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

I remember having a session with client a who was talking about her parents' attitudes toward grades. She explained that you didn't have to get all A's - you just had to do your best. But, if you did your best, you would get A's!

I've tried to be aware of that with my own children - that it's okay not to get perfect grades. But when one of them says something like, "I got 68 out of 82 correct," I usually can't help myself from wondering out loud, "What happened?" And even if I manage not to make a comment, there's a good chance that the look on my face conveys some message that they should have done better. How can I assess if they've done their best?

Actually, what does it mean to do your best? I think that the usefulness of that expression has changed over the years. After all, given the endless possibilities that seem to exist in the world as the result of the internet and other advanced technologies, it seems that no matter how much we do, we can always do more.

Plus, things aren't always so clear cut. How about the child who does his best and gets a B, while his friend barely invests any time in the assignment and pulls off an A. Or, as a client pointed out, the athlete who got a silver medal may have done her best, while the competitor who got the gold didn't do her best. It's not as easy to evaluate as we might think.

This theme has come up in some recent sessions in my practice. One client described a task she had that didn't turn out exactly the way she wanted, despite her hard work. When I suggested that she had done her best, she responded that she could have done more - made more phone calls, sent more e-mails, etc. Wouldn't that have been her best?

We went on to have a great discussion about the idea of doing your best - which can seem limitless - versus doing a "good enough" job. To me, good enough means knowing that you made a reasonable effort or that you feel a sense of integrity about your commitment to something. For example, you may decide that you'll put 12 hours into your fundraising project, and then whatever happens, happens. Or that you'll study 4 hours for your final exam, and then take the test. It might mean that you visit your sick relative twice a week, rather than every day - even though you could argue that isn't your best.

I think this topic is so important for people struggling with eating issues because of the perfectionism that often exists - either I'm perfect (I've done my absolute best) or I'm a failure (I haven't done my absolute best). But there's a lot of room in between, and if we want to preserve our quality of life, we need to find balance. How much effort leaves you feeling competent, without feeling drained?

Which reminds me to mention my recent blog postings, that have not been as frequent as I would like. My energy has been taken up with a combination of work and personal issues that required my attention, and I decided to give myself permission not to post for awhile. I suppose you could say that if I were doing my best, I could have made time to write an entry - and I could have. But I decided that waiting until I got through the month of May would honor my situation and be good enough for my readers. Hopefully you'll come back to read our blog, and if not, I can accept that!

Someone recently mentioned the children's book, The Little Engine That Could. Remember his words? "I think I can, I think I can..." and as he huffed and puffed his way up the track, he did make it. We have so many stories in our culture about setting our minds to something and never giving up. If we just try hard enough, we can achieve anything. These ideas certainly can be motivational and inspirational. But the reality is that we cannot achieve everything we set our mind to. Sometimes we don't have what it takes. Or we would have to focus on one accomplishment instead of attending to our needs in a more holistic manner.

Where are the models to teach us how to let go gracefully? To accept that as much as we might want something, there may be no way to get it - or at least it's not worth the cost it would take to get there? I'd like to see an alternative version of The Little Engine That Could that goes something like this: "I think, I can, I think I can, actually, I can't - or I choose not to - and I'm okay with that!"

Are there more models for that kind of balance than I'm able to think right now? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

WATER BAN

2010-05-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

In our book, The Diet Survivor's Handbook: 60 Lessons in Eating, Acceptance and Self-Care, lesson 6 focuses on the problems caused by deprivation. We state, "The deprivation of dieting actually causes overeating. Making the decision to end this cycle takes courage and allows you to feel more relaxed with food." After the lesson, we offer an activity to better understand the effects of deprivation offering the following scenario:

It is late Sunday evening and you have just been alerted that there is a problem with the town's water supply. In order to fix the problem the town will be shutting off its water by midnight, and hopes to resume service within twenty-four to thirty-six hours.

Do you notice an increase in your overall anxiety?

What will you do, knowing that water will be unavailable for some time (run to the store for bottled water, fill pitchers, take a shower, run a quick load of laundry or dishes, etc)?

Do you find yourself thinking more about water than usual, and preoccupied with when it will be available?

This is the anxiety you experience, day in and day out, when you deprive yourself of particular foods.

So, this past Saturday, I had the opportunity to watch a similar scenario play itself out. In Weston, Massachusetts a water pipe burst leading to an undrinkable water supply for 31 communities comprising of 2 million people. I live in Marblehead, one of the towns affected by this problem. Residents were alerted through Board of Health phone calls, e-mails and the news that water must be boiled or bought to be safe, and the "catastrophic problem" could take days or weeks to fix. Phones were ringing, people were stressing. That evening, my husband and I were meeting two other couples for Indian food in Salem, Massachusetts, a town next door to ours, but not affected by the water supply problem. Patrons in the restaurant, I noticed, were more excited by the pitcher of tap water the waiter wielded, than the chocolate martinis and bottles of Kingfisher beer brought to the tables.

By the next morning, people were in a panic. Newspaper headlines sounded the alarm, and the TV news was filled with shots of empty grocery shelves where bottled water once stood. There were reports of fighting over what little water remained, and in some communities people waited for hours in mile long lines for bottled water that was being distributed by the National Guard. In other areas, people drove to unaffected towns in search of twelve packs of bottled water. It was reported that someone paid $7 for one bottle of Fiji water.

Suddenly, water was on everybody's lips...well figuratively, if not literally. That, after all, was the problem. In grocery aisles, on the walking path, at the dry cleaners, all you heard were conversations about water. I realized that I was hearing people talk about water - how much they wanted it, how they just had to find more, when the water ban might be lifted - the way I usually hear people talk about diets. It was constant. The obsession about water was replacing what has come to be the "norm" about obsessing over eating/dieting. Those who use fear tactics sounding an alarm on the supposed "obesity epidemic" would have been thrilled. Two million people craving a zero calorie liquid....

No one was talking about ice cream or M&M's or hamburgers or French fries. Just water, H20, ice cubes.

And by Monday, the anxiety had mushroomed as coffee drinker buzzed (or, as the problem unfolded, didn't buzz) about their caffeine withdrawal. Coffee houses in the 31 affected communities couldn't brew their cup of Joe, and that left many, many people in an added place of deprivation. No one was stressing over chocolate chip muffins, donuts, or bagels. Water and coffee, that's where the derivation and anxiety were, because that's what you couldn't get.

Three days after the water supply was compromised, tap water was again deemed safe to drink. Store shelves now overflowed with the extra shipments of bottled water that hurried into stores. After a minute of rejoicing and toasting one another with a bacteria free glass of tap water, life goes on much as it did before the burst pipe. I overhear people ordering their coffee at Dunkin Donuts, and once again stressing about whether or not they should order the muffin or donut that now beckons to them. In restaurants and on the street, I overhear people lament about their weight, committing themselves to another diet with self-imposed deprivations.

In lesson 6, we end with a quote from Mark Twain: To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to do that very thing. The recent water ban made it crystal clear - as clear as the water that now flows plentifully from my tap. Scarcity makes us scared. Abundance makes us feel calm. I wish I could rewrite the news headline today and proclaim: Deprivation no more: Burst your own pipes and flow in abundance!

Namaste,
Ellen

THE WEIGHT OF WELLNESS

2010-03-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

As a promoter of wellness, I am sometimes asked to have a booth at wellness fairs, and I had the opportunity to do so yesterday. My colleague and good friend, Debbie, was one of the organizers at the 2010 Wellness Day at her temple, where they've developed a wonderful program to promote enrichment and renewal throughout the year. This particular day combined a fantastic line-up of workshops with a variety of vendors.

When I arrived at temple I had to set up in a hurry - I had completely forgotten about the time change and was just deciding what to wear when my husband informed me that it was an hour later than I thought! Thank goodness I had packed up what I needed to bring the day before.

I displayed my handouts, brochures and books to teach people about the non-diet approach, and enjoyed the many conversations with attendees who stopped by to ask questions and share their experiences. As people left the room to attend a slot of workshops, I finally had a chance to look around.

Next to me on my right, there were two female doctors, primarily advertising skin care services, and I immediately noticed the botox brochures. I can't help having a reaction to that - it just makes me think about the constant focus on looking younger. One of these women came over to my table and asked about my services. After my explanation, she said, "we help people lose weight too." Hmmm....is that what I said? She picked up a copy of The Diet Survivor's Handbook and asked if she could take a look. "Sure," I said, hoping that would clarify my message. Apparently it did. She dropped it back off at my table, and never made eye contact with me again.

That interaction got me thinking. I wished I had asked her about how she helps people lose weight and what the results are. I am so reactive to people prescribing any kind of diet, that I generally just avoid the conversation.

So I decided to get curious. Instead of just feeling tense - and making all kinds of assumptions - I figured that in the quiet time between workshops, I would talk to other vendors and listen with an open mind.

I started with Herbal Life. I asked the woman behind the table to tell me what she was offering. She explained that she drinks these drinks (there were samples available, but they looked awful; my mind - and taste buds - weren't that open).

She made it clear that this was not a diet because, she agreed, diets don't work. Instead, she has a machine to check how much protein you need for your body, and you can then get however many grams it tells you are right for you through their protein drinks. I asked her why not get the protein through real food, and she told me that there were a lot less calories in the drink than food. On this not-a-diet plan she has lost 30 pounds since August and runs a program out of her home to help others do the same. I asked her if she had any statistics on how people were doing at sustaining their weight loss five years out - the standard set through the National Institutes of Health - and she told me that she didn't know, but that she thought it was a great question. I invited her to stop by my booth - she never did.

I returned to my table proud of myself for having the conversation, but feeling no relief for my tension. On my left, there was a social service organization that serves teens, and on their table was a large basket of stress balls. "Do you mind if I take one of those?" I asked the young woman at the table, "I could really use it." "Sure," she said. I chose a purple one and squeezed many times.

My next stop was kitty corner from me in the room where a woman was advertising her personal training program. She greeted me as I walked over and offered me a t-shirt, which read, "Have you seen yourself naked?" "No thanks," I said. "I wouldn't wear that." Despite my attempt to stay open minded, I couldn't help myself as I launched into an explanation.

"I think that makes people feel shame," I told her. "I think it gives the message that you don't look okay, and you'd better do something about it. I spend much of my life trying to counter that idea."

"No," she responded, "I thought people would think that too, but they love it."

Forget the stress ball. I needed a massage and took advantage of one of the vendor's knowing hands on my back. Ten minutes later, I was a bit more relaxed, and decided that I had made enough observations for one day.

But then I saw the chocolate guy! You may remember my previous blog about my love of chocolate. This guy's shirt said something about healthy chocolate, and unfortunately, the word "healthy," is always a buzz word to me for "diet." However, it was now that time of the afternoon when I craved some chocolate, and even though I had my Dove chocolates in my bag, I decided to go on one last adventure.

The chocolate guy explained to me that chocolate, which comes from cacao, is actually a vegetable! I didn't know that...but I did know that chocolate is said to have healthful benefits. One of these benefits, he explained to me, is weight loss. Here we go again!

I spent a lot of time talking to Scott about his chocolate product, which actually tasted good. He explained the history of chocolate to me, which was quite interesting. He says that the process of manufacturing chocolate strips it of most of it's beneficial compounds, which apparently include a high concentration of antioxidants (according to his materials, three squares of xocai chocolate "is equivalent to eating 1.6 pounds of spinach or 6.5 pounds of tomatoes.") Maybe this is a type of chocolate that people would like to know about and have access to - regardless of whether they lose weight by using it.

I think it's time for me to clarify my view of weight loss. I consider myself to be weight neutral, which means that I do not have expectation of what a person should weigh, or a determination that someone is "successful" if they do lose weight. It's not that I'm against weight loss - it's just that I object to it being a stated goal of a program, since while any type of diet produces weight loss in the short-run, there is absolutely no proven way to help the vast majority of people sustain weight loss over time (if that research existed, we'd all know about it!) And, it potentially causes physical and emotional harm when used as a primary motivation for change. If - or when - weight loss does happen, I view it as a side effect of whatever journey a person is on to enhance their wellness. I hope that everyone will end up at whatever is a natural weight for them.

As I returned to my booth, I realized I had learned something new from the chocolate guy, and it got me thinking - if people frequently feel they're not supposed to eat chocolate because it's a "bad" food, and now they're actually told to eat it three times a day because it's a healthful food, what happens? Does the deprivation end, allowing people to take pleasure once again in this truly pleasurable food? I think the chocolate guy got excited by my curiosity and thought that I might be interested in it for my clients. I like to think that my clients, when they're hungry for chocolate, will make sure to get some. If this particular type of chocolate feels like a good match - for whatever reasons - I hope they will make sure to have some.

On the way home from Wellness Day, I was describing the day's events to my husband. He asked to see the brochure of the fitness program with the tag line, "have you seen yourself naked?" and liked what he read about it. Her model of personal training seems helpful, and the actual title of her business promotes empowering one's body - what a wonderful idea. But the weight loss references are all over the place.

I can't help but wonder what the experience was like for people at the wellness fair as they moved from vendors promising weight loss to my booth - which proclaimed that diets don't work, and the focus on weight loss is counterproductive. Is it possible to "sell" wellness without promising weight loss? Let's just say that as I continue to show up and promote my view of wellness whenever I can, I'll be making sure to have my brand new purple stress ball easily accessible.

Eat well! Live well Be well!

Judith

DEAR MICHELLE

2010-02-06T07:27:00.000-08:00

As I was driving home from work a couple of months ago, I turned on the radio and caught the end of a story about Michelle Obama. She had given a speech that included her intention to launch a campaign to prevent childhood obesity, using a quote that suggested this generation of children would live shorter lives than their parents.

Immediately, I went into high alert and promised myself that I would at least write a letter explaining my point of view and my expertise in this area. But the holidays, family, and all of the other daily demands that can interfere with the best of intentions distracted me. When President Obama announced his wife’s initiative during the State of the Union address, I felt more saddened than surprised by what lays ahead.

I have the greatest respect for Mrs. Obama and have no doubt that she passionately believes in her mission. I think that her focus on weight and weight loss only goes to show how our culture normalizes the beliefs that you must be thin to be healthy, and that through changes in eating patterns - usually in the form of dieting - everyone can achieve a smaller body size. If this is what you believe, then a campaign that focuses on childhood obesity makes sense.

What I would give to meet Michelle at a local Starbucks for a cup of coffee and conversation! As I have with so many friends and colleagues, who also held similar views, I’d talk with her about what I’ve learned in my work with clients over the years, and how the science now supports these ideas.

I’d tell Michelle how wonderful it’s been to see her growing vegetables at the White House with children who can now appreciate the beauty of nature and the taste of fresh foods. I’d agree that making fruits and vegetables accessible and affordable for all children is a goal that would improve the quality of our children’s health. I’d applaud efforts to make physical education available on a daily basis – for children of all sizes – in our schools. I’d encourage her to figure out ways for organizations to support families so that all children have access to all kinds of activities, rather than spending hours in front of the TV (although sometimes, just chilling out in front of the TV after a demanding day at school is the perfect activity – just ask my children!)

Then I’d ask Michelle to take weight out of the equation. After all, good health is much broader than a number on the scale. I’d point out to her that there are thin children who are unhealthy, and ask if she is aware of girls who purge or use dangerous diet products to keep their weight low. I’d ask her if she knows that there are children who fall in the higher BMI categories that eat fruits and vegetables every day, are physically active, and come from a family where their genetic inheritance means a larger body size.

I’d also have to respectfully wonder if she’s familiar with the multitude of studies that challenge the notion of thin as most healthy. Katherine Flegal of the Centers for Disease Control released her findings in 2005 that showed no difference in death rates for people in the overweight and lower end of the obesity categories. In fact, she concluded that only people at either extreme – very large or very thin – had increased risk, with those who are the thinnest carrying the most risk. Two other long-term studies came out this past year – one from Canada and one from Japan – that also confirmed people in the “overweight” category of BMI actually live the longest lives.

I'd hope I'm not boring her with research and statistcs, but then I'd remind myself of the value Barack Obama places on science. I'd describe a huge study by Steven Blair, who was with the Cooper Institute at the time, that found obese-fit men have half the death rate of thin-unfit men, suggesting again weight is not the key factor when it comes to health. I'd point out that plenty of research shows yo-yo dieting, in which people repeatedly lose weight and regain the pounds, actually leads to health problems, such as heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

By now it might be time to refill our coffee, but if I could keep the First Lady’s attention for a little longer, I’d like to raise her awareness about the discrimination faced by children who are fat. Kids get bullied all the time, and body size is a frequent target. I'd ask her to imagine the experience of a large child when there’s a campaign to support obesity prevention at the highest level – by none other than her - a warm, kind and loving mother! I'd ask her if she understands the implications of her message: if obesity is “bad,” - and you are large - then you are not okay. I'd implore her to think about what that does to the self-esteem of our children, which I know she cares about very much. I'd like Michelle to know that even though I don't believe this is her intention, the campaign affects all children because the covert message is that if you're not already fat, you'd better do everything in your power not to gain weight - or else you will no longer be acceptable.

Now that we’ve (hopefully) established a connection, I’d like to get a little more personal in my conversation with Michelle. I want to broach the topic of her daughters, and how they will grow up to feel in their own bodies. I’d explain to her that it’s wonderful she viewed her daughter’s body size as “perfect,” and that her doctor was wrong to focus on their weight.

I'd suggest that the best way to raise healthy daughters is to help them stay connected to their hunger and fullness, provide them with a wide variety of food, and tell them to follow their dreams! I’d explain how focusing on food restrictions creates deprivation and frequently leads to the very weight gain she is trying to prevent. I'd share with her how I’ve worked with so many women over the years who felt great shame about their bodies - often triggered by a negative comment made about their body by someone who loved them - leading to a lifelong struggle with food and weight.

Which would lead me to a touchy subject. Speaking mother to mother, and wife to wife, I'd wonder if she might have a long talk with her husband who reportedly referred to their older daughter as "chubby." I have no doubt that if he understood that gaining weight is a natural part of female development and that the power of his statement - which is now public - can have a devastating effect on his daughter(s), he'd rethink how he talks about the wonder of their beautiful, developing bodies. I'd encourage them - as a couple - to stand by their commitment to diversity, and publicly acknowledge that this value extends not only to racial, ethnic and religious diversity, but to size diversity as well.

I'd suggest to Michelle that we all have a lens through which we view information, and I understand that she - with full support from the President - truly believes that this campaign will improve the lives of our children. So before we end our conversation, there's just a couple of more things I'd need to share.

Michelle, remember your statement that this generation of children will live shorter lives than their parents? I think you were referring to the quote by S. Jay Olansky, Ph.D. stating, "The current generation of children is the first generation in modern American history projected to have shorter life span than their parents."

I knew I had heard some challenge to that, so I sent a message to a list serve I'm on, and I want to share with you these responses:

Dr. Linda Bacon told me that she writes in her book, Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, "This proclamation was drawn from an opinion piece published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine and offered no statistical evidence to support its claim, though you would never know it from the authority it has been granted in the media. Consider this before you buy into the hype: Life expectancy has increased dramatically during the same time period in which our weight rose (from 70.8 years in 1970 to 77.8 years in 2005) and continues to hit record highs."

And then a couple of days later, Dr. Jon Robison, Assistant Professor at Michigan State University posted, "Also, when Olshansky was questioned about the validity of these predictions in an article in Scientific American entitled Obesity: An Overblown Epidemic (June 2005) he replied, 'These are just back of the envelope, plausible scenarios. We never meant for them to be portrayed as precise.' And yet they published them in one of the major medical journal in the world - and the Journal permitted it."

I'd sincerely hope that this information would make Michelle reflect on what she's putting out in the world - and how to truly make the world a better place. I'd give her a wonderful resource from the Academy for Eating Disorders, an international, professional organization, that offers guidelines to promote the health and well-being of all children.

Finally, I'd leave Michelle with an article that appeared on February 1, 2010 in the Huffington Post by Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh.

It is so moving that I am going to print it here:

"In the eating disorders world, putting any child on a diet is not only unacceptable but appalling.

In the eating disorders world, a father referring to his child as "chubby" and commenting on her eating habits is not only frowned upon it is reviled.

In the eating disorders world a mother who felt her children were "perfect" should not be corrected by a doctor who points to the children's weight as altering that.

In the eating disorders world it is well-known and embraced that healthy children rapidly gain weight as they approach puberty.

In the eating disorders world it is understood that dieting is an unhealthy behavior, that healthy weight is whatever one's body ends up with when they are behaviorally and mentally healthy - a wide range of body shapes and sizes. Average weight people can be unhealthy, and non-average weight people can be healthy.

Behaviors, not weight, are appropriate health goals.

But OUTSIDE the eating disorder world none of the above is true. In fact, most people believe the opposite on every single point, and are not aware of any other way to think or that the science supports all of the above. I am sucker-punched to read that our First Family put their daughters on a "diet" because they feared "obesity" and no doubt will be lauded for it.

This is not an eating disorder issue, however, and it should not be only us who know this and speak out about it. These are medical, social, and ultimately self-defeating errors in thinking that do harm to all children and all of us. I am very sad today."

________________

Michelle, thank you for the coffee and conversation. You have a lot of power. Use it well.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

HAVE WE GONE BANANAS?

2010-01-11T17:59:00.000-08:00

I was at the grocery store the other day, making my way through the produce aisle. I'm not much of a fruit eater, but I happen to love bananas! Usually around mid-morning, a banana hits the spot for me in taste, texture, and satisfaction. I like them to be more yellow than green, but definitely not too soft. So in order to get the ripeness I like, I buy some every 3 0r 4 days.

As I grabbed the bunch of bananas that looked just right, I noticed a green sticker on one of the bananas, in addition to the usual Dole label. It read: Lose Weight. See dolebananadiet.com

Oy vey! Does everything need to become a diet food? I don't know about you, but the minute I'm told that I should eat something because it will help me lose weight, I'm pretty turned off. (However, I love bananas enough that I will ignore the sticker and continue my satisfying relationship with this delicious fruit...)

When I got home, I decided to pay a visit to the banana diet website. Here's what I read:

The original Morning Banana Diet was created by an Osaka pharmacist to help her husband lose weight. By following the simple plan, he dropped 38 pounds. Word spread like wildfire and soon stores across Japan couldn’t keep bananas on the shelves.

Now, Americans are joining the bandwagon, losing weight and enjoying the benefits of increased fruit consumption.

As a leader in nutrition education, DOLE wanted to create a healthier banana diet that substitutes well-balanced meals and nutritious recipes for the “all you can eat” approach.

Explore the Recipes section for two weeks of healthy and low-calorie recipes for the Dole Banana Diet!

Next, I clicked on their two week diet menus. So, here's the magic bullet: Start every morning with two Dole bananas (do they have to be Dole or will Chiquita work as well?) The rest of the day involves lots more varieties of Dole fruits (Dole fruit cups, Dole raisins) snacks that consist of Dole red peppers and Dole broccoli (do I detect a pattern here?) and some small amounts of protein. No fat anywhere in sight. A total of about 1,200 calories per day if you follow their menus. How do you spell H.U.N.G.R.Y.?!!!

Dole is not alone in using the marketing tactic of promising weight loss to sell their product. While I was thinking about writing this blog, a Special K commercial appeared on TV with the tagline: Lose up to 6 pounds in 12 weeks. V8 Juice asked: What's your number? The Dairy Council recommended: Drink more milk to lose weight. And multigrain Cheerios suggested: More grains. Less you.

Have we gone bananas? How is it that every food is now part of the latest diet plan? Actually, the answer is quite simple. If you restrict calories - and all of these advertisements have the caveat that you must combine their product with a low calorie diet and exercise to get results - you will lose weight. Of course they forget to tell you that you will feel deprived, your metabolism will slow way down, and ultimately you will gain back the weight and then some - but that wouldn't help their sales. And I guess some of us just want to believe.

Here is the most outrageous diet promise of the season: Taco Bell now has a spokesperson. If you haven't heard about her yet, Christine lost 54 pounds by eating the "Fresco" items offered at Taco Bell. In their marketing campaign, they refer to this as the Drive-Thru Diet. Before you swallow the whole enchilada, keep in mind that she was limited to 1250 calories a day (about the same as the banana diet). And they are clear that results aren't typical. Did you see that? Results aren't typical!

The truth is that any food could claim to be part of a diet for weight loss. How about:

Chocolate: For a richer, sweeter, thinner you

Potato chips: Enjoy the crunch. Chip off the pounds

Ice Cream: The latest scoop: one bowl a day - and two on sundae - melts the weight away

Just focus on that food, keep your calories under 1250, increase your exercise and voila - another diet plan doomed for failure.

So what is a diet survivor to do? In my last blog entry I talked about avoiding the magazines that sell diet and weight loss messages. But I'm not prepared to avoid all of the foods that are now promoting themselves as weight loss aids. I like milk. I even like Taco Bell. And I love bananas!

Instead, I'll do what I've always done: pay attention to the way a food tastes and how it feels in my body. I'll eat the foods I enjoy and stay away from the ones I don't. I'll remember that no single food is magic, and that variety is the spice of life! And when those weight loss labels are staring me in the face, I'll remind myself that choosing bananas has absolutely nothing to do with my body size, and appreciate the flavor and nutrients they provide.

In fact, I'm going to replace that weight loss mentality with the adorable image I have from my childhood of the banana dancing away as it sang a song - now that's the type of creative marketing we could use a little more of!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

MAGAZINE MADNESS

2009-12-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

I was at the airport yesterday, waiting for my flight back to Chicago, and thought I'd pass some time at the newsstand. I expected that with the New Year just around the corner, the women's magazines would be full of diet and weight loss tips - and I have to tell you that I was not disappointed.

I remember when The Diet Survivor's Handbook was first released, and our publicist at Sourcebooks told us that every January, the magazines have the same theme: "A New Year - A New You." Wow...a new me every 12 months? That feels like a lot of pressure!

I borrowed a pad of paper from my son, and started jotting down all of the brilliant ideas to help us lose weight - since apparently the ones they offered last year didn't work out so well for their readers. I offer them here to you, with the following suggestions:

First, take a deep breath. And now another one.

Remember that if any of them really worked, they wouldn't need to keep coming up with more.

Finally, a little humor always helps. With that in mind, I thought I'd make an attempt at rewriting some of my "favorites."

Self Magazine:

The Food Lover's Diet - 31 Tiny Tricks That Peel Off Major Pounds

My Edit:

The Food Lover's Diet - Eat What You Love and Savor Every Bite

Allure

The Easiest Diet Ever: Drop 600 Calories A Day Without Feeling Hungry

My Edit:

The Easiest Diet Ever: Eat When You Are Hungry And You'll Never Feel Hungry (duh!)

Shape:

How We Lost 477 Pounds Together: 6 Women Share The Diet Secrets That Worked For Them

My Edit:

How We Raised Our Consciousness Together : 6 Women Share Their Wisdom And Empower Each Other

Fitness

Your Best Body Ever

My Edit:

Your Body Is The Best Body Ever

O Magazine

How To Get What You Really Want This Year: Weight Loss That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secrets For Keeping The Pounds Off

My Edit:

Keep Working Toward Getting What You Really Want This Year: Body Satisfaction That Sticks - Dr. Oz's Simple Secret Is That There Is No Secret For Keeping The Pounds Off.

Seventeen

Total Body Confidence - Great Abs, Butt & Legs By New Year's

My Edit: (I got kind of hopeful with the first part...)

Total Body Confidence - Enjoy Your Body In Its Fullness All Year Long

The Biggest Loser - How I Did It!

My Edit:

The Biggest Winner - How I Did It! Tips To Love, Respect, And Honor Yourself

Woman's World:

Break Through Ohio State University BELLY FAT CURE! Discovery - Two Spoonfuls Of This Oil Will Block Fat Storage! Melt 5" Of Belly Fat - No Diet Required!

My Edit:

Woman's World Announces Bankruptcy As Readers Boycott Magazine Due To Outrageous Claims!

Imagine what it would be like to stand in the grocery line, and see magazine articles that actually support and nurture the well-being of women. Would they sell?

I know that as long as women buy what they're writing, they'll keep on writing it...and then women will keep feeling "not good enough"...prompting the need for more "A New Year - A New You" articles. A most unfortunate vicious cycle.

If this "magazine madness" brings you down, avoid them at all costs! Or at least take a shot at turning their negative messages into positive ones - I had fun giving it a try and just may make it an annual event.

As 2009 comes to a close, may you find peace and fulfillment in who you are now and in your journey to live with a full heart, mind and spirit.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

2009-12-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

There are times in our lives when skillful living depends on knowing, truly knowing, what time it is. I have a friend named Jim. Jim is a successful businessman who retired early and divides his time with his wife living in Colorado and New York. I have never spent time with Jim in either of those places. In fact, I’ve never spent time with Jim in the Unites States. Jim and I met through spiritual study/hiking trips led by a rabbi with whom we both study. Over the course of an eight-year span, Jim and I joined trips that took us hiking and studying in the Swiss Alps, the Italian Dolomite's and Andalusia, Spain.

Many times, on our hikes, Jim and I would talk about writing a book together about how the wise words hikers say about trekking were really words for living. For example, we’d hear a fellow hiker say, “Sometimes you have to look up and assess if you are on the right path.” Or, “My goal was to get to the summit, but now I realize that the beauty was in each step.” And, “The unexpected views as your travel along take your breath away, but you have to remember to stop and look up.” We never did write that book, but we had great fun with these pearls of wisdom and we shared wonderful times of abundance together: in spirit, laughter, meals and community.

Two months ago, the rabbi told me that Jim was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I hadn’t talked to him since we were together in Spain, three years ago. The rabbi told me that he wants to hear from the people in his life. “Send him an email,” he advised.

I had planned to.

Later that week, I searched through my email contact list, and realized that I didn’t have his email. I made a mental note to ask a mutual friend, or the rabbi, for his email address.

I didn’t follow through.

I thought about Jim, he was on my mind and in my heart, but I didn’t send that email.

“I have time,” I thought. I’ll do it soon…

After the problems left on my doorstep were solved, the errands were run, when life slows down…

I didn’t know what time it was.

How many of us put off what needs to be attended to now…in this moment. I think we see it all the time:

“I’ll take the dance class I’ve always wanted to take when I lose weight…”
“When I’m thin, I’ll let myself become involved in a relationship…”
“When my daughter gets into preschool, I’ll sign up for that painting class…”
“When my son gets into college, I’ll start my novel…”
“I’ll start living the life I truly want next month, next season, next year…”

Skillful living means being mindful of what time it is in our lives, and then acting from a place of wisdom. Sometimes you get a second chance, sometimes you don’t.

Jim died yesterday morning, before I sent him that email.

I missed what time it was.

If you look at the universe, we are a second, a split second. But our lives are part of that universe, and that second holds everything. If we understand that second, if we understand how important it is to pay attention to the present, to see clearly, we will understand what time it is in our lives, and we will act.

In the physical sense, attuned eating allows you to feed yourself in a consistent and loving manner. In a spiritual sense, attuned living allows you to pay attention to the world around you and to respond in a way that is life affirming and sustaining.

We don’t do it perfectly. Sometimes we miss the cues, or we’re off the mark in our response. Those are the times we need to be open to and learn from.

I wish I responded differently. I wish I knew what time it truly was…time to stop, and to be present with Jim in his dying. Now, it is time to remember Jim and to honor him by working toward living more in the present, living a life more in attunement.

We are all on a hike; our lives are a journey. May this New Year bring us the wisdom to live life fully, to be present to what is right in front of us, and to act from a place of both wisdom and compassion…by knowing, truly knowing, what time it is.”

Namaste,
Ellen

POST-THANKSGIVING

2009-11-30T15:37:00.001-08:00

I took my son to a doctor's appointment this morning, and as we were waiting for his turn, another patient's mother asked a staff member is she had a nice Thanksgiving. "Yes," she replied, "I spent it with my family who was in from out of town. How was your Thanksgiving?" Without hesitating, the mom answered, "It was too fattening." She went on to express her guilt at eating so many rich foods, and the conversation about overeating and weight continued from there, a lament we're all familiar with.

I couldn't help but think how sad that was - to focus on the calories of the meal rather than the joy of the season. Whether you're with family, friends, or even by yourself, it seems to me that Thanksgiving gives us the opportunity to connect with others, express or feel gratitude for what we do have, spend a day relaxing without having to go to work (for many of us), and to take joy in the abundance of delicious food that is often present at gatherings.

This year, I had Thanksgiving at my house and took great pleasure in preparing the meal: turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, carrots, broccoli casserole, salad, cranberry sauce and four different types of pies. Ellen and her family were in town for the occasion, and as we were cleaning up after our feast, I commented to Ellen that I had clearly bought too much food, and now there were tons of leftovers.

Ellen responded, "That's what we get for raising attuned eaters!"

She's right about that. Our children eat exactly what they are hungry for - no more and no less. No complaints about being too full - just comments like "I might have some more of that pie later."

But the truth is that even attuned eaters eat more than they need sometimes - and Thanksgiving may be one of those times. So what? It's just food. You get too full, realize you're uncomfortable, and eventually stop. The issue isn't so much about whether you overeat, but how you respond. If you're staying connected to yourself, you gently remind yourself that it doesn't feel so great to eat too much, and then wait for your next cue of hunger to eat again. But if you're still caught in the diet/binge cycle, you either continue to overeat since you've "blown it" anyway, or you go into a restrictive mode that you cannot sustain. And sadly, you focus on you eating and weight as the way to assess the quality of your holiday.

I'm grateful to have experienced a lovely and satisfying Thanksgiving last week. And all of those leftovers that I was complaining to Ellen about have made for some delicious lunches and snacks. In fact, a slice of that leftover pumpkin pie is sounding pretty yummy right now!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

ON INSPIRATION, SHAME, AND SPEAKING OUT

2009-11-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

I was chatting with my physical therapist, Sarah, a couple of days ago as she was working out a sore spot on my hip that's developed from a muscle imbalance. I had just returned from the Renfrew conference where Ellen and I presented a workshop based on The Diet Survivor's Handbook, and I was explaining my work to her.

Sarah is a kind and open person who understands that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes. Yet as she told me a story about a friend of hers, I could feel my body begin to tense up.

She talked about a friend who was "overweight" when he went to college, where he proceeded to gain even more weight. Eventually (I can't remember the trigger, but in the end, it doesn't really matter...) he decided that he needed to do something about his size. So, he began to exercise for the first time, stopped drinking massive amounts of beer and soda, and quit eating pizzas late at night. He lost weight and, seven years later, continues to feel great.

When I hear a story like that, I think about the weight loss as a side effect of new behaviors. Never exercised before? Lots of ignoring physical cues for hunger and satiation? Change these factors and your body may change in response to your new lifestyle. I was prepared to be pleased for him.

But then the story went on. He was so thrilled by what happened to him, he decided to become a personal trainer so that his story could inspire others. My relaxed hip now became tense. I reminded Sarah that only 2 - 5% of people who lose weight can keep it off - about 98% gain it back. So, lucky him - he gets to have the body type that our culture values. When I asked Sarah more about his history, she told me - as I expected - that he never had dieted before. If anyone is likely to keep the weight off, it's a male who has never dieted before...

Now I think about the people who come to him for personal training. He may be wonderful at teaching people how to use their bodies for fitness, strength and flexibility. But in my experience, many people who go to personal trainers want to lose weight, and their trainers are often ready to give advice. I couldn't help imagining his inspiring, supportive words like, "If I can do it, you can do it too." And then I couldn't help imagining the shame someone would feel once again as she tries to do what she's supposed to, but doesn't lose weight. She may be more fit, stronger and more flexible, but if the focus is on weight loss, does that count for her? For her trainer? For the culture at large? Or does she experience shame - that is so insidious - and consider herself a failure?

Last week, a woman that I've worked with sent me a beautiful letter she wrote to the person in charge of fitness at the facility where she exercises. I recognize that many fitness and other health professionals honestly believe that they are inspiring others with stories of "success" and don't understand how their words and actions create shame for their clients. With her permission, I am printing it here (using an initial instead of real names) - it speaks loudly and clearly for itself and shows the power of speaking out:

Dear J:
I'm F's trainee; you see me regularly at the JCC. I'm a fat person who is using movement in order to become fit, not in order to become thin. I want to be able to walk far, have good circulation, a lot of energy and good health overall. I am usually at the end of my day when I see you and don't have energy for anything other than working out with F.

What I want to do is open a discussion with you about the weight loss program you are involved with at the JCC which is named after or references tv's The Biggest Loser. Research has shown that a program focused on dieting with weight loss as a goal is unhealthy and does not work. F told me that you're very open to new information and I'd like to send you some information about the effects of dieting, about the Health At Every Size premise, and also to let you know that when I see that "success" board upon entering the gym, showing who is "winning" at losing weight fast, that it makes me feel terrible and NOT want to be in the gym.

I would like you to read a book by Linda Bacon called Health At Every Size: The Truth About Your Weight. If your office doesn't have a budget for it, I will lend you my copy. It is here, on Amazon: http://bit.ly/2AygHr
and information on it is here at Linda Bacon's website: http://www.lindabacon.org/HAESbook/

Linda Bacon's site is here:
http://www.haescommunity.org/

Another view of movement, health, and the myth of dieting is here:
http://www.thebodypositive.org/

I'm also attaching a piece on healthy living at any size.

I realize that the idea behind The Biggest Loser is a very popular one and that certainly you are satisfying the requests of a number of your clients by initiating and providing this contest. I propose that it is irresponsible to promote this perspective of eating and exercising. I will come say hello soon when I'm in the gym and to answer any questions you may have regarding my ideas on this topic. I truly do not mean to be stealthy or be on the attack by emailing you: I am drained when at the gym and talking about this is hard.

On Thursday as I was leaving the gym, a child of about 6 years old poked his friend and pointed at me, laughing. The idea that all people are different sizes and have different health spectra, and that there is no perfect weight is one that should be promoted to all of the JCC's members and especially children. It is too easy to demonize fat and fat people and suggest that there is one answer. My own general doctor told me on Friday that she sees a lot of fat people and a lot of thin people in her practice and that overall, the fat ones have better health. No child should be encouraged to treat fat people this way and besides my own issues (that allow me to feel hurt when a small child makes fun of me) I think contests like this support the belief that the only way is the thin way.

Please reconsider your programming choices in favor of your clientele's health rather than their investment in America's delusion that weight loss rather than fitness is a superior goal and that becoming thinner is the answer to everything. This is a myth and is an unhealthy mode of operation.

I would love to help in any way that I can. I'd love to see a Health At Every Size discussion group at the JCC. It is hard for fat people to believe that they (we) are allowed to be in the world and that health and fitness are reachable goals regardless of BMI or waistline, etc. There is no SUPPORT for us that shores up the ideas of movement, feeling good, and listening to our bodies when it comes to nourishment. There is only shame and the push toward weight loss as a "solution".

Thank you for reading this and I will see you soon. Please feel very free to show this email to anyone and everyone. I feel strongly about this issue and want to make change so that all fat people are respected and so that fitness, rather than dieting and weight loss, becomes the focus of every athletic facility. One of the reasons I signed up for the JCC, a significant expense for me, was that I met F, a trainer who is NOT pushing diet as a focus and because I felt that the environment would be more comfortable for me because there are all kinds of people who use the gym; all levels of physical strength, all races, all ages, people in wheelchairs, fat people and thin people. The sign facing me when I enter now does not agree with the vision I had of the JCC when I first started there.

All my best,

Here is the response she received:

Hi R,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I will truly take all of this to heart and would love a time to chat with you. I am very open about things, am always willing to listen, learn etc.

In the meanwhile, please accept my dearest apologies for any hurt, pain, etc. that our Biggest Melt Down results board has caused you – that was never my intent but honestly a perspective I hadn’t thought of or was openly expressed, up until now! I will work on finding a more appropriate way to display results and try to please everyone (you, the team, their trainers – perhaps something else we can discuss).

I will take a look at the resources you listed – thank you for the suggestions.

Take care,

Now that's what I call inspiration!

If you have your own stories of speaking out (or not speaking out) please leave a comment.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

SNIPPET

2009-11-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

I was leaving my office to do a quick errand the other day, and I caught a snippet of a radio interview about the current state of health insurance. The guest (I can't tell you who he was...) was suggesting that certain groups should pay higher premiums because of their increased risk for illness and injury.

I already knew what was coming...

On the positive side, he mentioned a few categories of people who engage in a variety of risky behaviors - ski jumping was part of the list - before he went to the F word to explain who should take on more of the high costs of insurance. Not surprisingly, he spent the most time (at least what I heard) explaining that people who are fat put a burden on our healthcare system.

If you've been listening to the healthcare debate, undoubtedly you've heard this idea many times by now - people who are "overweight" and "obese" need to lose weight or pay higher premiums because they are costing us too much money. I have a big problem with this thinking.

First, let me say that I have nothing against people losing weight - if that's what their bodies naturally do when they live a life of wellness. It's just that I'm weight neutral. Body size is a characteristic - not a behavior - and therefore not necessarily malleable. We cannot know anything about a person's health status based on size - and many of the correlations between health and weight have been debunked.

Think about this: The person who is fat because of an illness, or a medication, or genetics, or a history of yo-yo dieting. Should they be punished with higher premiums?

How about a person who eats a healthful diet, exercises regularly...and is fat. Should they be punished with higher premiums?

How about a person who never exercises, eat a poor diet...and is thin. Should they be rewarded with lower premiums?

All of these scenarios exist. If companies want to offer incentives, they need to be based on behaviors that can be quantified and applied to ALL individuals, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity and size.

If insurance companies want to offer incentives for reduced premiums, the fair approach is to target behaviors we can all potentially engage in, such as not smoking or participating in regular exercise. Many will argue over whether even these incentives are fair; but at least if we level the playing field, then people of all sizes can potentially improve their health and lower their insurance costs - isn't that what everyone wants?

This focus on weight loss is damaging to our individual and cultural psyches, and does not move us any closer to solving the healthcare crisis.

The Conversation

2009-10-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

During a lunch meeting with my editor a couple of years ago, we were discussing topics related to book publishing, including my love of writing. She told me that it's important to pay attention to "the conversation," as I consider what I might write about in the future - "what are the topics that everyone's starting to talk about?" she asked me.

Part of being an author is that after the thrilling news that your book is accepted for publication, and then the excitement of seeing your book come to life, you have to spend a lot of time figuring out how to get the word out there. I'm happy to say that several years after the release of The Diet Survivor's Handbook, I am truly part of the conversation in a way I would never have expected!

On Friday, I got a "google alert" that lets me know my name has come up somewhere. It turns out that the LA Times has a column called Cocktail talking points for the weekend. This list highlights what is front and center in the news, with a sentence to start a conversation when you're at your favorite weekend social event.

As someone who doesn't have the easiest time making conversation at cocktail parties, I sure got a kick out of seeing a quote of mine from an LA Times story, that had appeared a week earlier, in Deborah Netburn's list for the weekend of October 17.

Cocktail talking points for the weekend of October 17

Here's what she wrote:

2. Fat activists: It's a complicated issue, fat activism. Not all obese people are unhealthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are. Still, does that give us a right to judge? Here's a quote from our story: "Size tolerance, fat-acceptance activists say, should be right up there with religious tolerance, ethnic tolerance and gay tolerance. 'It's the culture that has to change,' says Judith Matz, director of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating."

Conversation starter: I'm size tolerant; are you?

So here I am - right in the middle of the conversation - and very glad to be there!

I'd like to continue the conversation that Ms. Netburn refers to when she says, "Not all obese people are unhealthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are." I would add that, "Not all thin people are healthy, it turns out, although certainly many of them are!" My point is that there are fat people who are healthy and fat people who aren't, just as there are thin people who are healthy and thin people who aren't. Whether you call it fat acceptance, size diversity, or even this new term of size tolerance, the goal is to become weight neutral: get rid of assumptions based on body size.

When I do workshops where people are exploring their own attitudes about weight, I sometimes brainstorm a list, asking participants, "what do you think about when you think of someone who is thin and someone who is fat?" Here are some typical responses:

THIN FAT

happy lazy

successful stupid

sexy inactive

attractive unhappy

active unhealthy

healthy ugly

Next, it's helpful to take these words, and think about the real people you know in your life. If you're like most of us, there are people you know who are thin, but do not necessarily have the perfect life suggested by the associated words. Likewise, you can surely point to some people you know who are fat - friends, relatives and/or colleagues - who you would not characterize by the words listed in the fat column.

What's going on here is stereotyping. It has happened to every group that's in the minority - Jews, Italians, African-Americans, homosexuals - to name a few, and it happens everyday to people who are fat. At this point in our history, while it is no longer acceptable to stereotype most of the groups who fall outside of the mainstream, weightism continues to permeate our culture. The acceptability of stereotyping fat people as unhealthy, for example, can be seen in the healthcare debate that often blames those who are larger for growing health care costs, even in an administration that is particularly sensitive to the needs of minority groups.

The series of LA Times articles that originally quoted me were exploring fat as "the new normal." As more and more attention focuses on issues of quitting diets, size acceptance and Health At Every Size, we can hope to move to a future that is weight neutral. Each person can foster wellness by embracing behaviors that promote physical and emotional well-being, and wherever their body size lands - thin, fat, and anywhere between - is where they are entitled to live their lives, free from the shame and discrimination that so often rears its ugly head.

This conversation is here to stay for now. With all of the attention on the "obesity crisis," those fighting for the rights of people at any size are becoming well-organized; The Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH, www.sizediversityandhealth.org/) held it's annual conference in Washington D.C. in August organizing visits to Capitol Hill to educate legislators about Health At Every Size; Fat Studies is receiving greater attention as an academic focus, and with the release of the new Fat Studies Reader, Amy Farrell was on the popular Colbert Report (http://www.fromthesquare.org/?p=712), bringing humor and awareness to a nationwide audience.

And for diet survivors everywhere, stories like the recent LA Times, Dieting? Not for these folks validates the courageous decision to let go of dieting and develop a healthy relationship with food through attuned/intuitive eating. Given the billions of dollars people have spent over the past decades to get thin, if diets really worked, we wouldn't be needing to have this conversation.

If you'd like to read the LA Times series, here are the links.

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fine-with-fat12-2009oct12,0,5001495.story

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fat-activists12-2009oct12,0,2666405.story

www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-fat-health12-2009oct12,0,1663814.story

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

You Have Got to be Kidding!

2009-10-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I remember visiting my dear friend in the hospital hours after she had given birth to a healthy baby girl. Holding her infant daughter, who was swaddled in a hospital blanket decorated with pastel colored teddy bears, my friend was beaming.

"She's beautiful," I said.

My friend smiled and responded, "I know. She only weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces, and I'm hoping from day one, she'll always be petite and thin."

All I could think about was this poor little baby, only hours old, and already her mother was preoccupied with her weight and her wish for her daughter be be thin. While I was appalled, apparently the insurance companies approve of this sentiment. This was what I read about today:

A Colorado health insurance company denied 4 month old Alex Lange coverage claiming he has a pre-existing condition - obesity - which makes him a financial risk. Alex weighs 17 pounds and is breastfed. After gaining national attention, The Rocky Mountain Health Plan said this past Monday that it will reverse it's decision for babies who are "healthy but fat."

Alex's mother, Kelli Lange, said that her baby has had nothing but breat milk and that the brief insurance rejection didn't change how she fed him. She stated, "I'm not going to withhold food to get him down to below that number of 95 {the 95% on the bell shaped curve}. Good for her. Although I do worry a bit when Alex's parents joked that, "when he is ready for solid food, they will start him on slim-Fast."

I remember being in a play group way back when. There was a woman who was a nurse and the mother of 6 month old Kyle. Kyle had a healthy appetite and was exclusively bottlefed. Kyle was a big, happy, health baby until his pediatrician and mother became concerned about his weight. They decided that Kyle's intake must be reduced. They cut out a predetermined number of ounces, reducing the number of bottles he was allowed each day. From that point on, when we met for our weekly playgroup, I came equipped with a bottle of Excedrin. Kyle would scream, cry and howl. The once happy baby became miserable when he was up, and would no longer go down for his nap. He just cried and cried. Kyle was hungry, and his mother refused to feed him, "for his own good." His mother, I should add, was a chronic dieter who, I have to say, was a bit on the moody side herself.

We need health care reform, and major changes in the health insurance industry, for sure. The Alex Lange case is outrageous. But we also need some intensive care as a culture. The hope for a lower weight infant daughter to stay petite and thin? The withholding of sustenance from a happy, thriving 6 month old because he's deemed "too fat?" No wonder there is such body shame in our culture, and so many people engaged in an unhealthy relationship with food, their bodies and themselves. I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, that babies, before the interference begins, can model for those of us who forget:

"When hungry eat your rice, when tired close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean." -Lin-Chi

Namaste,
Ellen

OPEN HOUSE: TAKE TWO

2009-10-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

In September, Judith blogged about her experience at her son's open house. She was pleasantly surprised by the physical education teacher who talked about his emphasis on celebrating body size diversity, and his intolerance of students making negative comments about weight. Voicing how impressed she was by the physical education teacher, and how rare and needed his perspective was, her husband had wondered aloud if there weren't a lot of teachers out there promoting the idea that people come in different shapes and sizes.

I thought I'd tell you about my experience at my son's high school open house this past week. My son is a senior, and after sitting in with his teachers in classes like AP Calculus, Statistics and Robotics, I was looking forward to meeting with his gym class where I figured my heart wouldn't race so much, being that I'm a bit math and science phobic.

Minutes into the physical education teacher's presentation, my heart was racing and my pulse quickening much more intensely than talk about Chi Squares and derivatives. He talked about the activities they would be focusing on throughout the year, and the importance of instilling in the students the need for both physical activity and nutrition...wait for it...to make sure they don't become victim to the "Freshman 15" at college, that they stay thin, and that they fear gaining any weight because obesity is the leading cause of death in this country.

Now, I'm all for good nutrition and physical activity for the sake of health and a positive sense of well-being, enjoyment and pleasure. But this came from a place of fearing fat, and the inaccurate notion that obesity is the biggest killer in the country. I wanted to gather up all of the research and introduce the physical education teacher to the statistics teacher so that the gym teacher could see that he was spreading inaccurate research and faulty conclusions.

I don't think my sister, Judith, and I engage in too much sibling rivalry, but boy, did I envy her son and his physical education teacher!

As the gym teacher was concluding his short talk, he announced that we should support the student council by visiting the the bake sale in the cafeteria and purchasing some baked goods. Walking out, a parent said to me, "I'm upset by that talk." As I was about to launch in with my thoughts and join him in his concern, he continued, "He was right about kids needing to lose weight and stay thin, but then he blows it by telling us to buy something at the bake sale. That's not going to help our children lose weight."

I thought of launching into obesity and diet myths, sitting this man and the physical education teacher down and talking with them about HAES and about attuned eating. But honestly, that night I just didn't have the energy. Instead, I thought about how much my son loves chocolate covered strawberries, which they had at the bake sale, and I bought him some instead. That act itself slowed my pounding heart. Coming home that night, my son happily biting into a chocolate covered strawberry, I told him about the open house, about what it was like meeeting his teachers, sitting in his classrooms. When I started to tell him about the physical education teacher he said, "Oh, I meant to warn you about that. The whole Freshman 15, huh?" I shook my head yes. "Maybe I should give him your book," he said. When I smiled at him he said, "Are you hungry for something sweet? Do you want a strawberry?" And I smiled at him and took a big, juicy bite!

Namaste,
Ellen

Chocolate

2009-09-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

We were having a "delicious" conversation the other day on a list serve that I belong to. One member explained that she struggled with overeating when she was younger, but is now an attuned/intuitive eater. She has always had a "sweet tooth" and continues to crave chocolate almost everyday - she becomes crabby if she wants it, but it's not available. Yet when she eats chocolate, she feels completely satisfied - sometimes after a few bites, sometimes after more -and doesn't feels uncomfortably full or that she is overeating/bingeing. She wondered if because of her need for chocolate every day, and sometimes more than once a day, people might consider her to be addicted to chocolate.

Here was my response:

"The beauty of intuitive/attuned eating is that everyone gets to decide what types of foods are right for them. So, you are someone who needs chocolate every day - enjoy! As you said, you feel good after you eat it and stop when you've had enough - you sound very in tune with yourself. In my work with clients, I rarely share the types of food that I eat because I don't want someone to ever think that there is a "right" way to feed oneself. But the one thing I do find myself offering from time to time is that I eat chocolate every day (and often I'm in the mood for sweets more than once a day...). I want to normalize that because it's still so much of the diet mentality that has seeped into our culture to think that somehow you shouldn't have sweets every day.

As for the thought that maybe a craving for sweet is a need for fruit (mentioned by another list serve member) chocolate and apples feel really different in your body. Sometimes I want chocolate and sometimes I want an apple, and I'd be as off eating an apple when I crave chocolate as I would eating chocolate when I crave an apple. Again, listening and taking out the judgement are key."

Our list serve discussion got me thinking more about chocolate. I had just finished a novel in which one of the characters, a precocious 12 year old girl, briefly contemplates her love of chocolate:

"This afternoon, after school, there was no one at home. I took some hazelnut chocolate from the kitchen and went to eat it in the living room. I was comfortably settled on the sofa, nibbling on my chocolate and ruminating on my next profound thought. I was thinking it would be a profound thought about chocolate or the way you nibble it, in particular, with a central question: what is it that is so good about chocolate? The substance itself, or the technique of chewing it?"

Just what is so good about chocolate? I'm at a loss of words myself to describe what makes it so wonderful. But I do know that it appeals to a lot of us, especially women. In fact, nutritionist Debra Waterhouse has an entire book devoted to this topic called Why Women Need Chocolate. When Ellen and I wrote Beyond a Shadow of a Diet, our book for mental health professionals, we included the following:

"Debra Waterhouse emphasizes that female food cravings are a 'normal, biological need for a specific food that will balance a woman's body and mind and revitalize her well-being.' She explains the brain chemistry of food cravings, noting that sugar and fat from chocolate boost serotonin and endorphin levels, resulting in positive mood and renewed energy. 'No study has ever found that women frequently crave tofu, Spam, or nonfat cottage cheese, and no study has ever found that men frequently crave chocolate...Only women crave these foods consistently.' "

Many years ago I had a booth at a health fair. A woman looked over my materials and said, "No, I don't have a problem with food. Except that I like to eat some chocolate every day" I explained to her that eating chocolate was natural and fine, and she replied, "You mean I can stop feeling guilty?" "Absolutely," I told her. What a shame that she had to feel that eating chocolate was "sinful" in the first place, but how nice that she seemed willing to let that belief go.

So back to my own chocolate cravings! While some women notice an increase in their desire for chocolate prior to menstruation, I like to eat chocolate all month long. When I eat chocolate it's because in addition to the way it tastes, it gives me just the right feeling physically in my body. Sometimes I prefer it with a glass of milk, sometimes I prefer it by itself. But I always make sure I have some with me wherever I go - to work, on vacation, at a conference.

I was in Costa Rica a couple of years ago, and, thankfully, had brought some chocolate with me. A woman on the trip was celebrating her birthday and said the only thing missing was some chocolate; she liked to have some every day, and couldn't find any at the hotel. I told her that I had chocolate in my room and would be happy to share some with her. Her face lit up - and I was glad to give her this small gift. Yes, you can always rely on me to have chocolate on hand!

So am I "addicted" to chocolate? I also happen to eat a banana every day, but I've never heard of anyone talking about an addiction to bananas! Like my list serve colleague, I eat chocolate in a way that's a perfect match for me.

And I don't need advertisements to tell me things like: My Moment - My Dove. I'll eat my Dove chocolates whenever I'm hungry for them, but not as a way to take time for myself - as women, we need to take time for ourselves when we need it, without feeling that we need to use food as an excuse to slow down. Yet the act of relishing my chocolate - or whatever food I'm hungry for at a particular time - does make for a satisfying moment.

If you're a chocolate lover, enjoy your cravings and the satisfaction that comes from this amazing substance. And if you have a way to describe just what it is about chocolate that tastes so good, please feel free to give it a try!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

Open House

2009-09-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended Parent's Night at my son's high school. I always look forward to getting a firsthand view of my children's teachers so that I can have a better sense of what their life is like during all those hours they spend away from home. While gym class isn't high on my priority list of exciting presentations, I was looking forward to seeing Mr. P. who I've known from previous years.

I entered the big gym and chatted with some of the parents that I knew. Mr. P. started the typical shpiel about what types of activities the students would do throughout the year, the importance of attendance, and what it's like to work with Freshman boys. That's when my ears perked up.

After telling us that he comes off as a tough guy in the beginning - even though he's actually a pretty low-key kind of guy - he offered his philosophy for making physical education a positive experience for everyone.

He told the parents that he will absolutely not tolerate any negative comments about weight. He stated that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes, and that by the time the swimming unit comes around next spring he wants everybody - yes, he meant Every Body - to feel comfortable and have fun. By letting the boys know his expectations from the outset, he believes he can encourage a safe environment for each and every student.

Wow! Did I hear that correctly? I have to admit that when I attend PE, Consumer Ed, and Health classes at various open houses, I usually brace myself for some comments about staying fit to prevent obesity or eating healthy foods to prevent obesity. (I'm all for fitness and understanding nutrition - but I want it to come from a positive place that promotes wellness for all children, rather than from a fear of getting fat that stigmatizes larger students.) I'm generally pleased when no comments are made about body size, but to hear a message to the kids and parents that supports size diversity is downright inspirational!

And it got me thinking. Can you imagine if every single teacher had a "no tolerance policy" regarding bullying, teasing and making negative comments about weight? What if they took that next step and regularly referred to the wonderful variations among all human beings, including body shape and size? Wouldn't that promote self- esteem for all students and help all of our children grow into more compassionate adults?

Here's my next question: How did Mr. P. become so enlightened? After the presentation, in the brief moment I had to greet him, I thanked him for his words and told him how wonderful I thought it was that he teaches his students about size diversity. He seemed pleased to hear my compliment; I couldn't tell if he realized that what he is saying is quite different from the usual messages that are given both overtly and covertly to students about body size.

Or so I think. After we left the open house, I told my husband how impressed I was by Mr. P., and how rare it is to hear a teacher promote the idea that people come in different shapes in sizes.

My husband's response was, "How do you know that? How do you know there aren't a lot of teachers out there who have a size positive attitude?"

Well, there was the Report on Size Discrimination put out by the National Educational Association in 1993, which concluded that within school systems, large students experienced "ongoing prejudice, unnoticed discrimination and almost constant harassment," while teachers experienced "socially acceptable yet outrageous insensitivity and rudeness" regarding their own weight.

But that was in 1993 so perhaps things have improved since then. Yet in my work with clients, at workshops and conferences, and among my colleagues dedicated to Health At Every Size, I've hear innumerable stories of harassment at the hands of gym teachers because of weight, leaving these former students feeling shamed, embarrassed and humiliated. At the same time, I know that there have been some wonderful curricula developed in recent years to teach body-esteem to students - and teachers - that may changing attitudes toward fat and tolerance of negative comments about body size.

So here's my question for you: Is Mr. P. one in a million? Or is he part of a new trend? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times...

2009-08-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

People will sometimes ask me if I think things are getting better or worse when it comes to pressures to be thin and attitudes toward dieting. I always hesitate a moment before answering because the truth of the matter is: both! My emotional state during the day can easily switch from exasperation and rage at news stories or policies related to the "war on obesity," to hope and inspiration when I see the latest article or action by those committed to creating a world where people can take pleasure in their bodies and honor their hunger.

The worst of the worst occurred over the summer when the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) released their Lean Works web site, which included a cost-calculator so that employers can figure out how much their fat employees cost them each year. Talk about institutionalizing size discrimination. Then there was the debate over Dr. Regina Benjamin, President Obama's pick to be the Surgeon General. No one questioned her brilliance, compassion and capabilities...but sadly, many did question whether she's just too fat for the job.

Story after story reports how being "overweight" is the equivalent of a death sentence - even when there is mounting research that says the opposite. Over this past summer, two long-term studies - one from Canada and one from Japan - were released that found people in the "overweight" category of BMI actually live longer than those in the "normal" range. I heard a doctor on CNN discussing these findings who said something along the lines of "Yes, that's what they found, but you should still lose weight." I wish I could say I was shocked, but that's the mindset of most people....including health professionals.

Despite the increased attempts at the "war on obesity" I remain encouraged and inspired by what Dr. Linda Bacon refers to as the "new peace movement." The framework of Health At Every Size, which focuses on wellness rather than weight, is getting more and more attention in mainstream news sources such as The Washington Post and The New York Times. There was a fabulous article published by Newsweek online yesterday entitled, Who says americans are too fat? Overselling the obesity epidemic isn't getting us anywhere. You can be big and healthy at the same time. You can read it at file: Fat and Healthy: Why It's Possible | Newsweek Health | Newsweek.com

The Health At Every Size movement is organized and strong! During the recent Association for Size Diversity and Health conference in Washington, D.C., participants received training in how to meet with their legislators, and then went to Capitol Hill to speak directly with their representatives. Although I was sorry not to be able to attend these visits, I understand that people were well-received and able to give factual information on the relationship between weight and health that will hopefully have a positive effect on future health policies.

I am thrilled that there are more and more resources that promote body acceptance, and that they are making their way into the culture, giving people a positive framework to think about how to best care for themselves. During my group this week, I showed a wonderful DVD called Finding Your Healthy Weight, created by The Body Positive. Medical experts and researchers offer compelling information to validate Health At Every Size as the best alternative to dieting, and real women who have struggled with eating and body hatred tell their stories of learning to eat from hunger, move their bodies in way that feel great, and discover self-love.

Perhaps that's where my greatest hope lies. People who practice Health At Every Size are in more and more places: teaching college courses, offering community programs, working in government positions and providing services to people who are ready to quit dieting and live more fully in the world. As we get our message out there, we are slowly but surely changing the world.

In fact, there's a revolution going on, and each of us has a part to play. Whether we write a letter, refuse to go on a diet, tell someone else about Health At Every Size or choose to feel more comfortable in our own bodies, each and every action will reverberate in our communities.

In keeping with my Tale of Two Cities theme (part of the fun of writing a blog!), I would have to conclude that "Off with their heads" is on the way out. Pictures of headless fat people in news stories - as if they are merely objects - are being replaced by large people out in the world and enjoying life. And of course, what could be more apropos to support the movement toward attuned/intuitive eating than the famous line, "Let them eat cake!" I would like to modify that to say, "Let us all eat cake - when that is what we are hungry for." And let us also eat anything else we darn well please!

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

American Idol Kelly Clarkson Rocks!

2009-08-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

Each morning, armed with a cup of hazelnut coffee, I head to my computer and read over the CNN headlines on my homepage. Probably, from a spiritual point of view, my morning cup of coffee should be a cup of herbal tea, and I should be sitting down to meditate, or taking an early contemplative walk instead of filling my head - so early in the day - with so much bad news: bombs, typhoons, deadly prescriptions for Michael Jackson, the unsolved health crisis and the dire predictions about the "obesity epidemic," house foreclosures.

But this morning, ah, this morning. I sat down to my computer and what did CNN offer me? A headline from People.com that read Kelly Clarkson Slams Weight Critics." I can't remember if I voted for Clarkson all those years back on the first American Idol, but she sure has my vote and support now.

Over the past few months, as bloggers have been bashing Kelly about her weight, she has stepped up to the microphone and her voice - her wonderful voice - has spoken loud and clear striking the perfect tone, that resounding chord, that has those of us diet survivors clapping and thinking Encore! Here's a few choice "lyrics" that Kelly has sung out:

"Of course celebrities have cellulite."

"When people talk about my weight, I'm like 'You seem to have a problem with it. I don't; I'm fine."

"My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more."

About food she explains that she still eats chicken-fried steak, but also had days when she prefers salads.

She refuses to diet saying, "For me, it's the times when I'm not paying attention that I end up losing weight. But I'm never trying to lose weight - or gain it. I'm just being."

Okay, so this morning my coffee isn't Zen tea, and I'm making an internet connection instead of connecting to my inner soul. Still, reading about the enlightened spirit of Kelly Clarkson is damn close to nirvana!

Namaste,
Ellen

"No Wonder You Look Like That!"

2009-08-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

A couple of nights ago, a group of us sat together at Dairy Queen to enjoy some soft serve ice cream on a hot summer night. An old family friend happened to pass by and stopped to say hello. As she noticed that my daughter wasn't eating any ice cream, she was quick to comment, "No wonder you look like that!"

These kind of moments always fill me with tension. Do I explain to her that she happened to catch my daughter at a moment when she wasn't hungry, so she didn't order the ice cream? Do I inform her that on another evening she may have found her enjoying a hot fudge sundae? Do I lecture her on the intrusiveness of comments that focus on body size and make assumptions about another person's relationship with food? Or do I ignore her words, and move on to the next topic?

My daughter solved these particular dilemmas for me when she jumped in and explained, "One of the parents at our camp brought in donuts today. They were delicious, but now I'm just not hungry for ice cream." Ahhh...the joys of raising an attuned/intuitive eater!

This experience reminded me of a time when I worked in an office where cakes were brought in routinely to celebrate each other's birthdays. I remember that if I wasn't hungry and passed on the cake, invariably someone would say, "No wonder you look like that." But the interesting thing was that when I was hungry and had a piece of cake, the response was, "You are so lucky - you can eat anything you want!"

The assumptions people make about our eating - whether we are fat, thin, and anywhere in between - have much more to do with their projections than with our relationship to food. In fact, there is yet to be a scientific study validating that fat people eat more than thin people. I think that for all of us, it's worth reflecting on any assumptions we make that are connected to body weight, when we observe others eating. At the same time, it is so important to remember that when someone comments on our weight and/or our relationship with food, it says a lot more about them than it does about us.

This family friend has always been obsessed with her size. I have no way of knowing what she was thinking about or feeling when she noticed my daughter without any ice cream, but I do know that her interpretation of my daughter's body size - and the fantasy that she must not eat ice cream - had nothing to do with my daughter, and everything to do with her.

I still haven't figured out the best way to respond in these situations. To do nothing seems reinforce or accept a statement that I am uncomfortable with. To have to respond each and every time feels like a burden, and truthfully, I just don't always have the energy to engage in a discussion about the concepts of ending diets, attuned/intuitive eating, and size diversity. So I pick and choose...how about you?

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

The New York Times...Almost

2009-07-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

Several months ago I had the pleasure of speaking to Mandy Katz, reporter for the New York Times. She was writing an article on "diet cessation," - a term I love and a subject that was a perfect match for The Diet Survivor's Handbook.

After a couple of months of hearing nothing back I assumed that I would not be in the article - I've learned to do the interviews that come my way and then let go (as best as I can) with no expectations.

So imagine my excitement when I came home a few weeks ago to find a message requesting a picture of the cover of The Diet Survivor's Handbook and a picture of myself for the upcoming article. I let myself believe that our book would really be in the NYT, with an opportunity to reach a lot of people. A few days later, I received an e-mail from Mandy for fact checking - not only was she accurate, but I really liked the quote.

In the back of my mind I always knew that until it's in print, anything is possible...but I have to admit that this time, I counted on it. It's really a dream for an author to be in the New York Times...along the lines of getting on the Oprah show (something I also aspire to do!) I let my publicist at Sourcebooks know about our good fortune, my photographer, David Sutton, asked if he could announce it in his newsletter, I added it to our Diet Survivors Group quarterly e-mail (www.dietsurvivors.com/contactus/index.html), and waited for July 2nd to arrive.

Alas, the article lost out to a more urgent topic of the day: vampire chic! I knew that it would be in the Thursday style section, so once again, on July 9th, I checked first thing in the morning...but no article.

I came home yesterday to two emails from the reporter, Mandy Katz. The first said that the article would definitely run today - July 16th. Hooray!!! But then I read the second, which she was kind enough to send me personally. At the last minute, the editor needed to shorten the article, and, unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. That's the way it goes in journalism. I knew it could happen, but still...

As I told Ellen about it, she reminded me of her close calls with her book, Beyond Measure; New Yorker Magazine and Men's Health both planned to use her quotes and mention the book, but it never happened. She also reminded me that as an editor, her friend, Beth, is on the other side, and when there's only so much room on a page, something has to go.

Despite my disappointment, I am thrilled that this article appeared in the New York Times, giving credence to the work of so many who are helping people to stop dieting and feel comfortable in their own skin. I hope you'll check it out at:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/16/health/nutrition/16skin.html?_r=5

(and if you check out the comments, I'm #19!)

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

Heart

2009-07-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

Over this past weekend, I was at an outdoor festival where the band Heart was playing on the main stage. Some of you will remember Heart from the late 1970's through the early 80's - I was surprised by how many songs were familiar to me (Barracuda, Magic Man, Crazy on You). Heart features the Wilson sisters - Ann and Nancy - who were one of the first female rock and roll bands, paving the way for others to come.

It was a beautiful evening, and as Ann belted out her songs, I couldn't help but think how great she sounded and how great she looked on stage. Ann is a larger woman, and as she rocked in her black sequins, I felt her power.

A few days later, I was looking up the name of a song I had forgotten and came across this entry in Wikipedia:

As a child, Ann was teased for her size. She revealed that in the seventies she would starve herself to stay thin. When Heart created a comeback in the mid-eighties, Ann had gained a significant amount of weight. Fearing it would hurt the band's popularity, record company executives and band members began pressuring her to lose weight. In music videos, camera angles and clothes were often used to hide her weight, and more focus was put on her sister Nancy. Ann stated she began suffering from panic attacks due to the stress caused by the negativity surrounding the issue.^[2] She underwent a weight-loss surgery called "adjustable gastric band" in January 2002^[3] after what she calls "a lifelong battle" with her weight.

I felt so sad after reading this brief entry. Here is a woman who has empowered others - what a shame that, according to this information, she has gone through life feeling shame about her body and struggling with the diet/binge cycle.

I hope Ann has been able to make peace with herself. I hope she knows that it is our culture that is wrong - not her. I hope she knows that she hasn't failed diets; diets have failed her. I hope she knows that the deprivation of diets only trigger overeating, and that there is a way to honor her own hunger and be calm around food. I hope she knows that it isn't fair for people to judge her by her weight, and that she can cultivate wellness at any size. I hope she never stops singing.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith

Are You Addicted To Diets?

2009-06-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why it is so hard for people to let go of diets, even when they understand intellectually that diets don’t work, and they won’t work.

I've always loved the example Ellen uses about a person going to the doctor when they are sick. The doctor says, "I'll give you an antibiotic - there's a 2% to 5 % chance it will work." You may think the odds aren't very good, but decide to give it a try. But, when the antibiotic fails and you go back to the doctor who says, "Well, I have another antibiotic that also has a 2% - 5% of working," what would you do? Try again despite the very poor odds, or find another doctor?!!!

Well, those are the odds of succeeding in a diet.

In the most general sense, an addiction exists when there is an interference with daily life. When I meet with clients who are repeat dieters, one of the most common experiences I hear about is the amount of mental energy that thoughts about dieting, food and weight take up as mental energy. Sometimes concerns about food and weight also lead to avoiding social situations.

Why is it so hard to quit dieting? Here are some of my thoughts:

Diets are extremely seductive. They promise that if you follow them perfectly, you can have the perfect body and the perfect life. Commercials constantly play upon this theme when they have a person say outright that before the diet, she was miserable, unloved and unsuccessful, but now that she has lost weight, her life has begun again with a new hope: she is now loved and can finally feel good about herself. The magic of diets is like a drug, offering a salve to the difficulties of life.

Diets give a “high.” Anyone who has been on a diet knows the high that comes when you feel in control. There is a virtuous feeling; you are on top of the world. There is no doubt that this feels good, and therefore, there is a strong wish to repeat it.

Diets do work in the short-term. To make matters more complicated, there is a sense of relief once the diet begins. Some weight is lost and you feel in control, leaving you truly feeling better. After all, whatever else is bothering you in life feels more manageable when you believe you’ve finally taken charge of your life and yourself. But like any addiction, the good feeling is short-lived. As the diet wears off, weight returns and overeating resumes, leaving you feeling worse, not better.

The dieter doesn’t know what to do instead. If you spend a good portion of your life on a diet, then you will also spend a good portion of your life going off your diet! If being on a diet is about being in control, then being off the diet is about being out of control. But, being out of control with food never feels good. Therefore, the pull is to get back in control as soon as possible, leading to the next diet. The problem is that when you are addicted to diets, you no longer know how to eat instead.

We have a culture of enabling. When it comes to addictions such as alcohol and drugs, our culture - made up of family, friends, doctors, mental health professionals and a wealth of written materials - strongly discourages dependence on these substances. The term “enabler” describes someone in a person’s life who actually supports the addiction in some way. When it comes to a dieting addiction, our culture is the biggest enabler of all. With messages coming from health professionals, commercials, magazines, colleagues, family and friends that dieting is a positive way to provide self-care to yourself, it’s no wonder that this is a tough habit to kick. This cultural pressure to diet is constant, but peaks in January as people are encouraged to make New Year’s resolutions to lose weight, and in the spring when societal messages about dieting for bathing suit season abound. In fact, when you decide to quit dieting, you are likely to run into people who think you are doing something destructive.

What the diet survivor knows is that while diets are seductive, attuned eating feels much more satisfying and leads to a more satisfying life. The high of a diet is replaced by a consistent feeling of being in charge of your eating. Instead of the short-term success of dieting, you find ways to deal directly with the issues in your life, so that you feel stronger both physically and psychologically. You shift from the mentality of being on or off a diet to becoming an attuned eater in which you honor your hunger, match what you are hungry for, choosing from a wide variety of foods, and stop when you feel satisfied. You do your best to reject messages in the culture that tell you diets for weight loss are the only way to live your life, and instead, search out people, books, websites and experiences that positively reinforce your decision to give up dieting.

Eat well! Live well! Be well!

Judith